Running Away
by kryptoniansky
Summary: When a danger from his past resurfaces, Deeks must find somewhere safe to stay and he asks Kensi to go with him. Kensi knows, if she goes, she'll have to tell Deeks the truth. It is, indeed, a love story. AU. Heavily Densi.
1. Disruption

**Author's Notes:** Writing a chapter in a few hours then uploading it is not something I could stand, because I like long chapters and engaging in a ton of careful pickiness. However, my friend inspired me to give this a try: write less, update more. I will write a chapter then update it, likely only a few days apart at most. I can't guarantee it'll be as good as I hope, with less time spent perfecting it, but I'm going to give this a try! I haven't forgotten about "Left Behind" for those who read it. I work on it whenever I have free time and I promise there's an update in the future. _This fic was inspired by a video I made called "Densi - Running Away" and is added to YouTube (link in profile), which was inspired by the promo for episode 5x09 "Recovery"._

Warning: If you're not up to date on season 5, this story will contain a considerable amount of spoilers. Also, this story will contain the most romance I've written in a single story in a long time. Kensi and Deeks are at the very center of this entire story, along with 2 other characters who will be revealed next chapter.

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**~ Disruption ~**

It wasn't supposed to happen, but it did.

She hadn't intended to stay all night, but she had.

Kensi wished she could honestly say she was too tired to drive back to her empty, dark apartment. She wanted to argue that Deeks was far too persuasive in requesting her to stay for another movie, but it would be a lie. He hadn't even remained awake through the first movie, to which Kensi should have tucked a blanket over him and left.

Instead of following her usual rules and routines in place to protect herself from the dangers of getting too close, Kensi leaned back against the sofa to watch Deeks peacefully sleep beside her. She'd been doing it a lot in the past month, just lying next to her partner to watch over him as he rested. She'd convinced herself that maybe with enough familiarly it would become less risky.

Deep down, she knew familiarly itself was a huge risk.

Kensi was always relieved when Deeks never questioned her long visits. If he had, she wouldn't be able to explain to him why they kept happening. She was protective of him since his traumatic ordeal many months back, and she ached at night thinking he might be staying up unable to sleep – or worse, enduring nightmares her presence might quell. The core truth in it all was how much she just wanted to be near him. Kensi lay there inhaling his scent, watching the mesmerising rise and fall of his chest, and reminded herself once again how close she'd came to losing him. It wasn't something one could easily overcome, especially not with how many important people in her life she'd already lost.

When the sunshine broke through the curtains above them, it wasn't Kensi who lay awake watching her partner with a smile. Deeks blinked awake and was met with her calmly restful face. Her hair had fallen over her cheek, and he resisted the urge to brush the strands behind her ear.

That morning wasn't meant to be different, but it was.

He had never woken before her, until that early Saturday morning. He didn't waste time wondering why she had overslept on his couch, rather than busy herself with watching TV until he woke and she could leave to get ready for work. Maybe because it was a Saturday and they didn't need to work, unless called in? Maybe it had something to do with the fact she'd never been there on a Saturday morning before. She'd been careful, he'd noticed, but this morning was certainly a welcome change.

Deeks wished he could ask her why she stayed so many nights, and remained in the morning until he was awake. He couldn't, though, because he knew Kensi better than anyone. Since kissing her months ago, Deeks knew asking her questions like that did not get him answers. At first it as frustrating, not knowing how she perceived the personal change in their partnership, but then she started staying over on random nights with one excuse or another. He worried, if he pushed again, those nights would once again be spent with him sitting restlessly in his dark living room. He didn't have as much trouble sleeping as he had before returning to work, but he couldn't deny his slumber was much calmer when she was there beside him. Even on the nights she stayed, then left just before midnight.

It was those rare few nights when she stayed until morning that Deeks slept the best.

'Kens?' He whispered, sliding upright on the couch.

He didn't want to interrupt the moment.

Deeks didn't want to be the one to disrupt the expression on her face that could only be observed when she was sleeping. It was his favourite of her expressions, apart from her wonderful smile. It was the face of someone who was content, and he liked to think it had more to do with his presence than a comfortable night's rest.

'Kens?' He tried again, brushing her hair behind her ear as he'd wanted to.

Deeks knew if he didn't wake her, he'd have to accept full blame for her missing out on her biggest guilty pleasure. It was never his fault, not directly, but Kensi didn't see it that way. There was a doughnut she wanted every morning she stayed over at his place, and Kensi would fight through any crowd to get it. Deeks could do nothing more than stand by and feel sympathetic for any poor old lady or businessman who got in her way.

'What?' Kensi grumbled.

She sleepily opened her eyes and looked around, then focused her brown gaze on Deeks' smug smile.

'Morning, Sunshine.' He said brightly, earning himself a daggered glare in return.

Kensi didn't answer him, as she stretched and stood from the couch. She tried to ignore his smirk, and turned her wrist to look at the time. Kensi gasped and snatched her keys from the table. Scurrying around the space of the living room, to gather anything else she'd brought with her, Kensi tried to fix her hair by combing it with her fingers.

'Ugh, really?' Deeks grumbled, not wanting to move. 'How is that doughnut so different from any other doughnut?'

'It's not just a doughnut.' Kensi scolded, waiting impatiently by the front door for him to drag himself off the couch.

'It is the jam? The cream? The cinnamon? What?' Deeks continued, reluctantly getting to up save himself a punch in the arm. He passed through the living room, to his bedroom, and fished around for something to wear.

'It's got custard filling, and is sprinkled with cinnamon, but that's what makes it outstanding.' Kensi said, knowing she had to wait long enough for Deeks to get ready for the day. Except it was a Saturday, so she wasn't sure what would happen once they picked up breakfast – maybe head to her place so she could properly prepare for the day?

What exactly did Deeks do on most weekends?

'Then what?' Deeks asked, re-emerging to join her.

He followed her outside to her car, and got into the passenger side. He turned to look at her, wondering how his simple question had provoked a cautious expression on her face. He had a strangely hopeful suspicion that maybe, somehow, it wasn't the doughnut itself that made it outstanding.

'I don't know.' Kensi answered, sharing straight ahead as she gripped the steering wheel. 'It's just...special.'

She started the engine, unable to remind him she only got that particular doughnut on the mornings she woke at his side. It was special because it was theirs. He never got a bite of it, but Deeks was at her side while she drove to her favourite little bakery in the heart of Los Angeles. He remained waiting for her by the door while she ordered it, watching her with that smirk of his she wished she didn't secret like. And afterwards, they went to get breakfast, together. He was always sitting across from her while she ate that special doughnut.

It was their routine, their moment, and not just his or hers.

Kensi knew she was being silly, and rolled her eyes at her paths her mind had been treading through lately, but she couldn't help it. When Deeks had kissed her, it stirred something inside of her that she couldn't quite figure out. She'd been trying to understand it for months, but it was just as confusing as it had been in the moment. She'd cared about Deeks for years, if she was even the slightest bit honest to herself, yet there was something about the kiss she couldn't comprehend.

Even when she'd kissed him while undercover, despite the lie of it being only that, the feeling still swirling through the pit of her stomach had not been so overwhelmingly powerful.

Deeks watched Kensi for a moment, seeing her tense posture and firm expression. He turned away and hid a smile. He knew what was special about that doughnut, now he'd seen how edgy she was when he'd questioned it. Before he could consider how accustomed to the routine he'd become, Deeks narrowed his eyes at the closed glove compartment in from of him. A pale blue sticky note had been stuck to it, with the time _7:30AM_ written on it. He frowned and pulled it loose, wondering who had put it there - it wasn't written Kensi's handwriting.

'What's that?' Kensi creased her eyebrows at the object, taking her eyes off the road for mere seconds.

Deeks turned it over, looking for clues, and paled at the writing on the back. He raised his watch to check the time, and inhaled a sharp breath.

'Stop the car.' Deeks said suddenly.

'What?'

'Stop the car!' He raised his voice, then jerked forward when the car came to an abrupt halt. 'Get out.'

'Deeks?' Kensi, had she not detected the borderline panic in his tone, would be been solely irritated by his order to get out of her own car. Confused, but knowing he wasn't mucking around, Kensi obeyed. She hoped the never see that look on his face again, when he'd read the back of the note. It was an expression of terror and hurt.

They each jumped out of the car, and ran around to pair up in front of it. He checked his watch again and grabbed her elbow to tug her away. Kensi saw the time written on the note, which had somehow ended up in her car overnight, and guessed what was going to happen next. She turned and followed him to hurry away from the vehicle, which was parked on the side of the road near a mass of busy morning traffic.

They stood near the edge, but quite a safe enough distance away. Uncertainty marked their features, until a resounding BOOM blasted them off their feet. They each slid backwards down the slope of the hill beside the road. The blast of the fiery red explosion was all they could see as the pair tumbled backwards. Kensi caught herself in time, resting on her hands and knees, while Deeks landed in an ungraceful heap beside her.

'You okay?' She checked, looking in his direction.

He groaned and shifted into sitting position, which was the only response she would get from Deeks for the moment. Alarm marked her features, as Kensi was shocked to have her car blown up drastically enough to bring traffic to a panicked halt. Sirens were already wailing, as people yelled and cars screeched to avoid the sudden eruption of chaos.

Debris fell around what was left of her car, and black smoke clouded up the sky. If they had been inside the car, a mere minute sooner, Kensi was convinced they'd have remained there until the coroner could remove them.

'Deeks, what the hell?' Kensi turned to him.

'I know.' Deeks exhaled, wincing, and stood.

He offered her his hand, and she accepted. Allowing him pull her to her feet, if only for something solid to grab onto, Kensi dusted off her jeans and fixed him with a demanding look. He handed her the note. The exact time of the explosion was scrawled on one side. Flipping it over, Kensi saw the words _"__I warned you this isn't over. 13"_ written on the back. This is what had panicked Deeks, and it unsettled her to realise that for everything he'd been through lately, it still hadn't ended. She doubted the two were related, but her fierce protectiveness of Deeks reared its merciless head once again.

'Thirteen?' Kensi looked at Deeks for answers.

She was shaken by how pale his face was, as Deeks stared unfocused to the distance.

'Deeks?' She gripped his wrist.

'It's a B. It's how he...We have to go.' Deeks tried to keep his voice steady, but his insides were far from calm. The impact of the explosion was no longer his biggest concern - he knew what came next, and it would be much worse.

'Whoa, Deeks, what's going on?' Kensi was confused. She didn't understand why he was so worried, or how something they frequently witness in their line of work could unhinge him so easily

'Who sent this?'

'It doesn't matter.' Deeks dismissed her questioning. He stumbled as he went to ascend the slope a distance from the charred skeleton of the car.

'Doesn't matter? They blew up my car!' Kensi growled, indicating to what was left of it. 'Someone put a bomb in my car, and you're saying it doesn't matter? Deeks!' Kensi snapped at him, though her anger was directed elsewhere.

He didn't seem to have heard her.

Kensi lunged forward and grabbed his wrist again, yanking it to swerve him around enough to face her. Standing in his direct line of sight, she forced him to meet her gaze. She stared into his blue orbs, demanding answers, and was surprised how unfocused his gaze was before he concentrated on her own.

'Years ago, I made a mistake. I crossed the wrong person and now he's back to collect.' Deeks hurriedly spoke, waving his hand for a taxi. 'He went to prison, but I'm guessing he's out. We have to go somewhere safe. I have to stay away.'

'We need to call NCIS.' Kensi released him to fumble for the phone in her pocket, but never had the chance to initiate the call.

Deeks reached to grasp the hand she'd moved towards her phone. His touch was so gentle, as he linked his fingers through hers, that Kensi couldn't move. Her heart began to race, and her breath hitched slightly, as she looked into his vulnerable blue eyes.

In the space of twenty minutes, Kensi had become so unsettled it made her want to flee from the point they'd now arrived at. From leaving his place, to the explosion, and now the look he cast into her soul that could never be denied as anything less than emotions she was not ready to deal with. Their contact spread a flush of heat up her arm, electrifying her senses, and yet numbing her mind. Kensi tried to pull away, but couldn't. His vulnerability was the not same as when he'd kissed her months ago; it was one of begging and fear.

Kensi knew, seconds before he spoke, that whatever he asked of her...She was going to do everything she could to help him.

'When you wanted me to protect your mother, back when you were going after the man who murdered your father, you asked me to trust you.' Deeks began. 'You asked me to protect your mother, and promised me you'd come back to me. Now, I'm asking you to trust me. Kens, I'm asking you to have my back on this.'

'Okay.' Kensi nodded without consideration. 'What do you want me to do?'

'We can't contact NCIS.' Deeks sighed, still holding her hand intimately within his own. 'We could compromise their entire unit. We can't risk it. They'll figure out this was your car, and they'll try to find us. We'll leave breadcrumbs, but we have to be careful. We will be watched the moment I return a message.'

'Who is behind this?' Kensi pressed, aching to stand closer to him. 'Why you?'

'We don't have time.' Deeks looked away, slipping his hand from hers.

She felt a chill course through her; regretting the broken contact.

Kensi knew protecting the Special Ops team and location was important, but that's not why she returned her phone to her pocket. With the look in his eyes, and the soft touch of his hand, Kensi would do anything for Deeks in that moment. It scared her. He has always had her back, followed her wherever the danger led them, and remained at her side when she needed him most. Kensi felt she had to prove that she would do the same for him.

And she would, but she wasn't sure if Deeks knew just how much.

'What's our next move?' Kensi asked, wanting a plan of action.

'We need help. We can't be tracked.' Deeks looked around, frowning as a taxi finally came to his summoning. 'We have to toss our phones. Initiate that _"agent needs assistance"_ alert thing, then toss it.' He instructed, getting out his own phone.

Deeks chucked it towards the charred car, and watched as Kensi typed in the assistance code, then sent the phone flying to join his.

They got into the back seat of the taxi, ignoring the protests of the impatient driver.

Kensi stared through the window to take in the ruined sight of her car, while Deeks gave the driver directions to a house on the other side of town. She felt a nudge at her shoulder and looked over at him. He stared back at her, his eyes speaking louder than words.

She saw his apology, gratitude, and trust.

'You're my partner.' Kensi offered him a determined smile. 'I've got your back.'

Deep inside, Kensi knew he had her heart as well, but that was a truth she was not prepared to share.

For now, she would let him believe it was loyalty and friendship that bound her to whatever mission he was about to embark on without the assistance of NCIS. Maybe, one day, he would finally know the truth. And, maybe, one day, Kensi could finally admit it to him, and to herself. But whatever happened next, Kensi was determined to be there for him - just as he has been there for her more times than she could count.

She hadn't meant to fall in love, but she had.

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**Author's Notes:** Feedback would be very much appreciated.


	2. Ultimatum

**Author's Notes:** This took longer to write than I'd planned, but I was determined to get it up tonight. Thanks to my awesome friend G for helping me sort this out when the chapter decided to be difficult.

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**~ Ultimatum ~**

Deeks remained very quite in the back seat of the taxi.

Kensi was at loss of what to do; he hadn't given her any proper information about where they were going or who they were running from. All she knew was, according to Deeks, the person they were on their way to see was a friend.

She didn't interrupt his somber moment, as she was unsure of what she could possibly say, so Kensi turned to stare through the glass of the taxi window.

Traffic passed by, then rows of houses.

She knew the OSP team would have received her_ "agent needs assistance"_ alert by now. To pass the time, though it wasn't a very long car trip, Kensi imagined what her team could be doing. She pictured Eric and Nell showing up at work first, then using their computers to locate her phone. By that time, Callen and Sam would have arrived. Kensi knew Hetty would be there too, likely already awaiting a report from Eric and Nell. They would surely discover her phone was at the wreck of her charred car. They'd likely try to contact Deeks. When he doesn't answer, they'd trace his phone – only to realise it lay beside her own.

Kensi didn't have to work out what happened next - not due to any degree of sureness, but because the taxi had come to a halt in a rather average neighbourhood.

Deeks didn't hesitate – the moment the taxi stopped, he got out and paid the driver. He was distant from Kensi, as they walked across the road. She tried to catch a glimpse of his face, but he moved too quickly. When they reached the small gate, Deeks looked towards the pale two-story house. Kensi noticed the lush green lawn, and unnatural amount of flowerbeds in every windowsill, whereas Deeks only had eyes for one window towards his right.

'Deeks?' Kensi spoke when he didn't move.

He acted as though he hadn't heard her, as he pushed open the gate and hurriedly led her towards the house. At the doorstep, he stopped without knocking and Kensi almost walked into him. Exhaling, Deeks finally turned around to face her again. Kensi stood firm, awaiting whatever he was going to reveal to her, and wished she could do something to ease the stress he was clearly trying to handle on his own.

'His name is Gabe.' Deeks said, indicating to the house. 'He helped me through some tough times. He can help us. He knows what we're up against, and I trust Gabe more than anyone.'

'Anyone?' Kensi repeated.

She tried to sound surprise, rather than reveal the sting his words delivered. She guarded her expression when he looked her over with a ghost of a smile. It wasn't his usual grin, but it was a start.

'More than most.' Deeks corrected himself.

He looked at his watch worriedly, then swerved around to raise his hand to knock on the door. Instead of his knuckles contacted with the wood, the door swung open to reveal a man older than his fifties. He was dark, with short black hair, and had a newly grown mustache.

The man said nothing, just stood there staring at Deeks.

Kensi could see the level of recognition in her partner's expression. Whoever this man was, Deeks not only knew him very well but it appeared to be mutual. Kensi took in his appearance again, seeing the way he stood tall and confident with the intimidating appearance of someone of high authority. The man looked tough, and yet his brown eyes showed a warmth that contradicted any visual judgments a person could make of him.

'Hey, Gabe.' Deeks said in a tone of voice that surprised Kensi. She couldn't remember ever hearing him use that soft, determined voice before. It made her very curious.

'Marty Deeks.' Gabe nodded with a smile. He reached and clasped Deeks' hand to shake it in a firm grip.

'I'm in trouble.' Deeks admitted, looking ashamed.

'It's happened, hasn't it?' Gabe sighed. 'He's out?'

'Yeah.' Deeks nodded. 'You told me, that if this happened again, to come to you. I know it's been years, but...I need your help.'

'Don't doubt my promise, son. We'll leave right away.' Gabe frowned, looking over at Kensi with a clear sign of distrust. 'Who's she?'

'Oh, uh...' Deeks glanced at Kensi, trying to work out what he could call her.

The truth was hard, and yet one variant of it wasn't.

'Kensi Blye. She's my partner.'

'She can't come with us.' Gabe stated 'It's not safe.'

Kensi was about to object, and demand to know who this guy thought he was, but surprise hit her when it was Deeks who answered first.

'She has to.' Deeks stated. 'She's my partner, Gabe. I _need_ her to back me up. I need _her_.'

Kensi's irritation faltered at his words.

She stared at him when he spoke, though his confession continued to ring through her mind when he finished. Kensi had tried to cheer him up and help him get back on track after his traumatic ordeal months ago, and she knew he felt more for her than words had revealed, and yet him openly saying he _needed_ her was not something Kensi had expected to hear.

A part of her was envious of Deeks for being able to communicate those meaningful things with such conviction, when she could barely grasp anything so profound in her own mind.

'I hope she's as good a shot as you are.' Gabe said to Deeks, while watching Kensi.

'I'm better.' Kensi remarked boldly.

Gabe laughed at her words, while Deeks watched her with a meaningful smile.

'I like her.' Gabe approved and moved to re-enter his house. 'But it's not going to be easy.' He added while checking the living room for something. Snatching car keys from a nearby bowl, he faced Deeks again with a serious expression.

'What happened?'

'He blew up her car.' Deeks answered, trying to keep his gaze from wandering around the room.

He swallowed, and looked downwards instead. It was the same wooden floor, as if it hadn't aged a single day.

'Left this.'

Deeks got out the note he'd found in Kensi's car moments before the explosion. Gabe didn't touch it, but read what was said and shook his head with concern. Kensi stood just inside the room, leaning against the door-frame, while the pair conversed. Gabe asked Deeks a few direct questions about the events, all while moving around the room to grab items.

Deeks glanced at Kensi and was surprised by how quiet she was. He had expected her to be on a tirade by now; demanding answers until she felt well-informed and prepared for what was next. He met her stubbornly patient gaze, and realised she was holding back out of respect for him.

She was trusting him, just like he'd asked her to.

Gabe bent on his knees and pulled a duffel bag from underneath the large sofa. Standing, he exhaled and looked at Kensi again.

'Marty, you know she can't come with you.'

'There has to be a way to make this work.' Deeks sounded almost panicked, but adamantly tried to keep himself together. He reminded himself he was in control, that he wasn't going to fall apart this time. He couldn't.

Kensi did not like how odd the situation was. Deeks didn't beg, he didn't panic, and he most certainly didn't buckle under the pressure he'd only been under for less than an hour. It made her further anxious about who or what they were up against, if it could change his composure so severely in such a short period of time.

'She's your work partner.' Gabe shook his head again. 'It's not close enough. Not even a best friend would work. She can't come.'

'What if...' Deeks paused, fidgeting on the spot. 'What if we were together? Engaged?'

'What?' Kensi gasped. She inhaled a sharp breath of nervousness.

Oddly enough, her attempt to conceal her reaction soothed Gabe's distrust of her in a way only his eyes revealed.

'That's a lot to ask of anyone.' Gabe stared at Kensi now, as if speaking only to her. 'It would be an act you'd both have to maintain, all hours of the day.'

'Is it the only way?' Kensi pressed.

She saw Gabe nod, and Deeks look away, and knew the answer without either of them needing to confirm it.

'If I say no, who will have my partner's back?' She tried to crack a smile, but failed. 'Who else will keep you out of trouble, Deeks? I'm in.'

'You'll do this, for me?' Deeks stared at her.

'Of course.' Kensi nodded, managing a genuine smile this time.

She wanted to say she'd do anything for him, but the words wouldn't form in her throat. A smile would have to be enough for now. The way he watched her, however, Kensi wondered if maybe this time he understood regardless.

'Do you still have that box I asked you to keep safe for me?' Deeks turned to Gabe.

'Yeah.' Gabe headed into another room, giving Deeks the chance to look at Kensi to show his gratitude.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Gabe returned with a small wooden box.

Deeks accepted it and flipped open the catch. He tried not to look at the photographs inside,instead he fished around for a tiny object.

'Here.' Deeks approached Kensi and held out a ring to her. 'She'll believe our act with this. It was my grandmother's.'

'Oh, Deeks, I couldn't...'

Kensi stared at the engagement ring. It glittered in the ray of sunlight peeking through the curtains to their left. The silver band and diamond were simple, yet she struggled to take her eyes off it. She exhaled, and clutched the item carefully. Kensi slipped it onto her finger, and wasn't sure what to think about how perfectly it fit her, as though it was designed for her hand.

'We have to go.' Gabe declared. 'We've wasted enough time. Come on.' He led the way outside, making sure to lock the door on his way out.

'What's her name?' Deeks asked.

'I don't know. I haven't spoken to her in a few years.' Gabe said. 'I still check up on her, like I promised, but I've had no contact in a while. She's moved back.'

'Who?' Kensi asked, looking up from the ring. 'And who put that bomb in my car? What's going on?' She finally questioned, unable to hold it in any longer. Kensi wasn't sure what was being discussed or how anything was playing out around her, and she hated it.

They group stood near the doorstep, where Gabe turned to fix Deeks with an alarmed expression.

'You haven't told her?'

'I didn't-' Deeks hesitated. 'I didn't want her to worry. I thought it was over.'

Kensi glared at Deeks and knew he wasn't being entirely truthful. Hurt seared through her, mingled with annoyance, as she thought that maybe it had little to do with worry on his part, but lack of trust on hers? Did he not trust her with the information? It related to his past, and normally she didn't pry, but after everything she had shared with him – about her father, Jack, and her mother – Kensi felt cheated.

Right when she thought they were getting closer, making some progress, something would reawaken her realisation of how far apart they still were.

Deeks avoided looking at Kensi, whereas she crossed her arms over her chest to glare in his direction. His only reassurance was that she never went to leave, nor took back her decision to have his back. She was still trusting him, though Deeks feared it was going to wear thin if she didn't get some answers soon.

Luckily, Gabe sensed this too.

'Ms Blye, when Marty was young he got mixed up in some trouble he hadn't asked for.' Gabe said, while Deeks looked away. 'He made one man very angry. That man vowed, no matter what it took, he would get his revenge. Marty and I spent years putting him behind bars until we finally succeeded.'

'Now he's out?' Kensi guessed. She remembered Deeks saying something about a man being out of prison. 'That's who blew up my car?'

'Yes.' Gabe nodded. 'He will hurt those closest to Marty, unless we go to a safe location. If you were to leave, right now, you will not be a target.'

'I'm not going anywhere.' Kensi remained strong to her choice. 'My partner needs me, so that's where I'll be. I don't care about the risk.' She could feel Deeks staring at her, but didn't dare to look in his direction.

'Kens...' Deeks stepped in. 'Gabe has a safe house we can stay in, but there's someone else we need to protect. Someone close to me. She can't ever know our...Engagement, isn't real.'

'Who?' Kensi asked. 'And we've played a married couple before.'

'This isn't some random bad guy.' Deeks hissed. 'She's my mother. I can't protect her if she knows the truth. She won't listen, and she won't come with us. She doesn't trust strangers, not even my friends.'

Kensi listened to his words, and didn't initially understand what the big deal was.

They had to lie to his mother, and keep up appearances of being together – even if she was worried about the emotional impact it might have on their "thing", it all came down to Deeks needing her. The cautiousness reverberating from Gabe, to her, showed signs of doubt in her ability to do this. Yet, the look in Deeks' eyes were far more believing.

He was right, though. They weren't just fooling criminals this time, but someone close to Deeks. Someone who, Kensi assumed, knew Deeks so well that the cover would need constant work and attention to maintain. Even so, she would still be exactly who she was and Deeks would still be Deeks, but they would be engaged. She reminded herself the ring wasn't about an intent to marry her, or being the simplest cover, it was what Deeks thought was the only way to protect his mother with her by his side. He wanted to save his mother, and Kensi was reminded of her desperation when asking Deeks to protect her own mother.

How could she ever think of turning him down?

'Okay.' Kensi nodded.

'Okay.' Deeks repeated with an exhale of relief. 'Are you sure you're ready to meet my mother, Darling?'

There was a hint of his usual tease this time, which made the situation feel more familiar to Kensi. He was giving her something she was used to, and she could easily resort to. Regardless, she merely rolled her eyes and allowed Gabe to lead the way towards the street.

Deeks followed them, but paused near the gate.

He glanced over his shoulder at Gabe's house with a contemplative expression. He remembered being eleven and standing exactly where he was in that moment. He'd looked at the house, knowing a police officer lived there, and yet was too scared to take a step further. He'd passed the house every day on his way home from school, and on every single one of those days Deeks had asked himself if maybe there was one person he could trust - maybe that man could save him?

Now, many years later, there he stood.

The situations were so similar, but this time Deeks had Kensi alongside him.

And his mother would be too.

Deeks hadn't seen her in years, fearful of ever disappointing her. The last time he had seen his mother, she'd been saddened by his update on his life. He'd made her proud by becoming a lawyer, but when he turned away from it she worried yet again. She had hoped the next time he saw her he would have some wonderful news to give her about his life. He knew there was no other way to get his mother to believe him when he said they had to leave for her safety, unless he gave her something she couldn't refuse. He worried because he had no idea how his partner would handle the situation. He couldn't even mention what happened between them, with the kiss, without her freaking out on him.

In a rain of bullets, he knew she'd have his back, but in matters of the heart...He had no clue where they stood.

'Deeks?' Kensi wondered why he'd stopped.

'Yeah.' He turned and joined her side.

Deeks saw Gabe walking a bit ahead, since his mother only lived down the end of the street, and dread began to fill him.

'You good?' Kensi checked while they walked, side-by-side, and noticed how odd he was acting.

He'd been acting rather strange since the explosion, actually.

Deeks didn't speak.

He continued to walk a familiar path, and kept his eyes trained on Gabe, but his hand instinctively moved towards Kensi's. She was startled to feel his touch against the back of her hand, the one with the ring, and looked over at his troubled face. Whatever was going on in his mind, in that moment, was clearly painful for him. She begun to wonder how long it had been since he'd seen his mother, what she was like, and how Gabe fitted into the small circle of trust Deeks had formed. She glanced at her hand, seeing the ring shining there, and decided no amount of fear she had for stepping outside of her protective walls was worth letting Deeks suffer if he needed her.

And he did need her – he'd said so.

'It's okay.' Kensi said, sliding her hand into his. 'I've got your back, Deeks.' She reminded him, giving his hand a squeeze.

She felt his hand grip hers, once again spreading a warm sensation through her fingertips and up her arm. She hoped things would make more sense once they got to the safe house, but for now she was going to focus solely on Deeks. Kensi was going to be there for him, even if it meant stepping into a role she never thought she'd ever have to face again.

'I never told you, because...' Deeks swallowed, as he broke the quietness, and forced himself to continue. 'I was in a dark place back then. I wanted to pretend it never happened. That's why I never mentioned it; that's why I never told you. I just wanted it to be over.'

Kensi bit her lip, trying to think of something reassuring to say, but knew he still hadn't told her the exact details. She didn't know what was going on, but his brief confession assured her that maybe he just needed more time to find the right words. Like she did, when it came to their "thing".

Whatever it was, she trusted he would help her understand when he was ready to share it.

'How many times have I told you?' Gabe intervened, standing beside a pale lawn that led to a slightly tattered wooden house. 'You can't run from this, Marty.'

'Where are we?' Kensi wondered, looking over at the house in dire need of a fresh coat of paint and some extra nails.

'A place I never wanted to see again.' Deeks said deeply. His blue gaze fixated on the house he'd never truly got to call home. 'It's where everything started. This is where I grew up. This is where I shot my father.'


	3. A House is Not a Home

**~ A House is Not a Home ~**

Deeks felt frozen to the spot on the side of the path; his insides were cold, and he couldn't move. He stared straight at the house where he'd spent most of his childhood; and lost parts of it as well.

The yells, sounds of an object hitting a surface, and echoed cries vividly resurfaced in his mind.

Forcing his gaze away, Deeks inhaled a ragged breath and made a noise of annoyance. It had been years, he reminded himself; he should be over this. He should be passed the stage where it got so deep under his skin that he couldn't even look at the house anymore.

'Ah!' Deeks winced when a hand suddenly landed on his shoulder. He glanced over and saw Kensi staring at him, concern riddled into every crease in her expression. Reality came crashing back to him, making him feel further irritated by his inability to compartmentalise.

'Deeks?' Kensi spoke, withdrawing her hand. 'You good?'

'Yeah.' Deeks swallowed and took a step onto the pale grass. He saw Gabe was already ahead of him, almost to the door, and was surprised he'd only been standing still for a minute or so.

Deeks walked forward, but glanced at a space of grass and moved to avoid it. In a flash, though he managed to contain his reaction this time, Gabe stood in front of him. The man may be retired, but he'd certain retained his speed. Gabe blocked his path, and indicated to the space of ground to Deeks' left.

'No.' Deeks denied.

'You can't even look at it.' Gabe sighed.

'What's going on?' Kensi stood beside Deeks, to his right, and wondered why they'd stopped.

'Nothing.' Deeks countered. He once again tried to approach the house, only to be foiled for a second time.

Gabe stepped across his path and fixed Deeks with a stern stare. Kensi was getting nervous – she saw the paled look on her partner's face, and didn't know what Gabe was up to. Why wouldn't he let Deeks proceed to the house? Wasn't all the standing around putting them in danger?

'Look at it, Marty.' Gabe pointed to the grass patch again. 'That's where I found you. That's where I picked you up when you fell to your knees.'

'Gabe, don't.' Deeks hissed, struggling to keep back his emotions and memories.

He tried to move around Gabe, but the dark-skinned man grasped his shoulders to spin him backwards to face his fears.

'Hey!' Kensi wasn't sure what was going on, though she wasn't certain about anything that day, but she was not going to stand for whatever Gabe was doing to upset her partner. The sight of Deeks, so broken and fearful, was unnerving and heart-wrenching for her.

Kensi didn't care if Gabe was supposed to help them – anyone who hurt her partner was going down!

'I'm okay.' Deeks told Kensi before she could act. 'It's fine. I'm fine.' His words didn't sound very convincing, even to his own ears.

He looked down at the grass in full awareness that facing it was the only way Gave was going to let him get away. The man never backed down, Deeks knew, and never had. In the past it had helped him, but in that moment Deeks was irritated by the man's unwavering consistency.

Deeks, in his mind, pictured the blades of grass to be crushed under the pressure of a boy's knees when the child collapsed to the ground. He expected blood to still colour the dull green tones, from where the eleven-year-old boy had pressed his hands to the ground. There was nothing; no squashed spots or blood stains.

Only memories inside his head.

'I called the cops.' Deeks wasn't really aware of talking, though Gabe and Kensi were attentive to his every word. 'I shot my father. He went down, and I called the cops. There was so much blood. I tried to stop it – I tried...' Deeks' breath hitched with emotion.

He shook his head, placed his hands on his hips, and tried to peel his eyes away from the memory-triggering patch of grass. He couldn't; it had once again trapped him into a timeless moment of despair.

'Ma was crying. The cops showed up.' Deeks remembered. 'They took us outside. And I...'

'You collapsed.' Gabe continued where Deeks couldn't.

He watched Deeks, but it was the child who came to mind. He too stared at the grass, remembering the boy whose face was concealed by his blonde hair as he'd hung his head, breathing erratically with his hands soaked with drying blood.

'I got the call. I showed up just as you fell to your knees.' Gabe added, his voice quieter in recollection. The images and sounds from that night would be forever imprinted in his mind. 'You screamed, cried, but didn't move.'

'Oh, my God.' Kensi whispered.

Her heart felt to actually break with the images the details had conjured in her imagination; eleven-year-old Deeks, still very much a child, crouched on the grass in so much hurt and turmoil that she wished she'd been there for him. Kensi wished, instead of comfortably watching a movie in her warm living room with her parents, she'd been there beside Deeks to comfort him. Even now, she just wanted to embrace him and ease his pain.

Somehow, she knew that's not what he needed right now.

'Do you remember what happened the next day?' Gabe asked.

'No.' Deeks finally lifted his blue gaze. 'I don't remember much after that, for weeks.'

'You ran away.' Gabe answered, earning Kensi's heightened attention. 'I found you, hours later, right here. You can't run from it, Marty.'

'Yeah, okay.' Deeks cleared his throat suddenly. 'Can we get this over with, now? I'm fine, really. It's just been a while since I was here. Years.'

He marched around them and headed for the door of the house. Gabe had wrecked his plans; Deeks had wanted to convince his mother to come with them to the safe house, and ignore everything else. The only thing he thought was worse than his disrupted ideals was Kensi's presence. Deeks cringed at what she must be thinking, with how weak he surely looked.

She needed him to have her back, to be strong, and not to fall apart over a stupid patch of lawn.

While Deeks knocked excessively on the front door of the house, Kensi joined his side again. She straightened her back and exhaled. Kensi braced herself to not only meet Deeks' mother for the first time, but also play the role of his wife-to-be. Deeks opted for a similar stance, as he too slipped into his undercover mindset. Gabe stood several feet behind them, on the grass, and merely waited in relative silence.

Kensi heard a woman's voice answer from within the house, followed by the sounds of movement.

It struck her, in that occurrence, to comprehend what this place was. It was where little Deeks had run around, hopefully playing more than fleeing, and where he grew from a boy to a teenager. It was also the place where he'd been hurt. A chill spread through Kensi, as she considered how they stood on the doorstep of a place that was meant to be a shelter to a child rather than his prison.

The door opened to reveal a woman dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. She had wavy blonde hair that sat between her earlobes and shoulder, though her greying roots showed she was older than she looked. Her blue eyes were brighter than even her son's, as she fixed her gaze on him with shock.

'M-Marty?' She slowly reached towards him, placing her hand to his chest where his heart beat under his ribcage.

'Hey, Ma.' Deeks smiled as warmly as he could, trying to portray only happiness and joy. It's all she ever wanted – to see him happy.

'Oh, my-' His mother's eyes filled with tears, as she rubbed his arms and chuckled with disbelief.

Once she was certain he was real, and indeed standing on her doorstep, she became aware of the others.

'Hello, Gabe.' She narrowed her eyes at the man standing a short distance from the doorstep. Despite her look, her tone was rather friendly and she returned his polite wave.

'Ma...' Deeks inhaled a nervous breath when his mother finally noticed Kensi.

He tried not to smirk at how anxious his partner looked, standing there with her hands awkwardly shoved into her pockets. He hoped, with a hint of amusement, that Kensi remained uncomfortable for a while, so she could have some idea what it felt like for him when he'd knocked on her mother's door.

'This is Kensi.' Deeks looped his arm around his partner's middle and lightly pulled her to his side.

'Hi.' Kensi greeted the woman with a smile, though only Deeks noticed the awkwardness in her tone and eyes. 'It's nice to finally meet you.'

'What's your name?' Deeks asked his mother, to which Kensi broke politeness and stared at him with an odd look.

'You don't know your own mother's name?'

'Lenore.' His mother answered. Her gaze focused only on the ring in place around Kensi's finger, and the way her son held her intimately close to his side.

'She changes it every year.' Deeks quickly explained to Kensi. 'Sugerbear, this is my mother, Lenore Deeks. Ma, this is Kensi Blye – she's my fiancee.'

Lenore stared at Kensi, stunned for a moment, then tears sprung to her eyes again.

'Oh!' Kensi was startled when the older woman pulled her into a hug. 'Ah, thanks.' She said, feeling quite out of place as she tried to return the gesture.

Kensi looked over at Deeks, and offered him a glare for the way he was trying hard not to laugh at her reaction. Kensi never had a relationship progress far enough for her to meet the parents – not even Jack, though that had little to do with the relationship itself. Kensi, without any experience or advice to draw into her act, was unsure of how to handle the situation presented to her now.

Deeks, of course, was little help as he merely stood beside her with a grin on his face.

'Ma, something's happened.' Deeks said once his mother stepped back to wipe her eyes.

'Kensi's pregnant?' Lenore abruptly spoke the first guess that came to mind. 'Already? You're not rabbits, Marty!'

'No!' Deeks coughed. 'No, no that's not it.' He didn't look at Kensi this time, though her choke of alarm was unmissable.

'Then, what?' Lenore wanted to know.

'We're in danger.' Deeks revealed. 'Some psycho is after all of us, so we need to stay in a safe house for a while. We need to leave now.'

'What have you done?' Lenore turned sad, her expression forming into one of dread and disappointment.

'Nothing!' Deeks insisted. He felt guilty nonetheless – it was, in a roundabout way, still his fault. 'I helped put him in prison. Now he's out.'

'How could you put a man in prison?' Lenore frowned.

Her confusion alerted Kensi to the knowledge that the older woman had no idea her son was a cop.

'That's not the point, Ma.' Deeks huffed. 'We have to go. Pack anything you need, and let's go.'

'It's Saturday, Marty.' Lenore rolled her eyes. 'No one does anything on a Saturday. Much less leave their house.'

'Ma.' Deeks pressed. 'I'm serious. This guy will kill you. I can't...Just come with us, okay? I need to protect you.'

'Fine.' Lenore conceded. She left the front door wide open, and moved into the house.

'Do you need help packing?' Deeks offered, hoping to speed things along.

'I may be old, Marty, but I'm not so far gone that I can't pack my own suitcase.' Lenore scolded him. 'Only the essentials, right? One suitcase?'

'You're not old, Ma.' Deeks denied. 'And yeah, one suitcase.'

He turned to Kensi, feeling the odd sensation of there being something he should say to her, though Deeks wasn't sure why he had that impression because nothing came to mind. It did feel strange to have his mother and Kensi meet, though it wasn't something Deeks wanted to focus on right now.

'So, that's your mother, huh?' Kensi offered him a smirk, enjoying the scene of Deeks being told off by his mother. She thought only Hetty could do that quite as effectively.

'Yeah.' Deeks nodded. 'That's my mother. Come here.'

He reached for Kensi's hand, intending to lead her into the house. Gabe remained outside, guarding the area, so Deeks wasn't concerned with leaving his mother in the other room to pack. He led Kensi, who followed him rather willingly, down a short hallway. They passed several doors, until they reached the one at the end.

'This was...' Kensi stared at the faded crayon-coloured paper tacked to the wood of the door.

It had_ "Marty"_ scrawled on it, clearly by a child's hand.

'This was your room?'

'Yeah.' Deeks pushed open the door, though inside was mostly empty and cluttered with boxes. 'I had my bed over there.' He pointed to a far left wall near the barred window.

He indicated to all the places he had his furniture, such as the desk in the corner and wardrobe near the other wall, trying to help Kensi picture what his childhood bedroom had looked like. Deeks wasn't sure why he'd wanted to show her, but it was nice to have someone he could share a part of his childhood with. Kensi was the first person he'd been able to share this portion of his past with, who hadn't been there during that time.

When he finished detailing the placement of everything he could remember, Deeks turned to look at her, yet Kensi's brown eyes were solely on him. She smiled, and reached to hold his hand again. He felt her engagement ring brush against his finger, and found himself trying to pretend they weren't acting. It was a dangerous daydream, which he quickly dismissed.

Deeks led the way back into the living room – Kensi didn't realise his hand, nor did he try to pull away.

'Ma!' Deeks sighed, seeing her moving around the kitchen. 'The essentials only.'

'What do you think I'm doing?' Lenore had a large suitcase open on the floor nearby, where several items of clothing filled it part-way. In her arms were several bars and packets of chocolate. She dumped the entire pile into her suitcase, then zipped it closed.

When Lenore looked up, she saw Marty staring at her, and raised her arms in a questioning manner.

'What?' She asked.

'Do you have everything you need?' Deeks checked, doubtful her chocolate was in any way part of the equation.

'Of course.' Lenore exhaled, and rolled her eyes. 'I got those new jeans from the big sale last year, and all my toiletries. You want to count my knickers? No bras; you know I don't wear those things!'

'Can we go now?' Deeks said, exasperated.

He bit back a groan of embarrassment, which likely showed on his face regardless, and tried to pretend Kensi wasn't silently shaking with mirth beside him.

'Whatever happened to that sweet, polite little boy that used to live here?' Lenore wondered.

'Was I ever really like that?' Deeks asked with a cheeky smile.

'Exactly.' Lenore dead-panned as she passed him.

Kensi hid her laughter behind her hand, watching Deeks with glee.

'Yeah, laugh it up.' Deeks tried to sound annoyed with her, but the grin she revealed was contagious. It was impossible for him to even pretend to be irritated with Kensi Blye when she laughed in a way that made his mood automatically increase.

'Come on, love birds!' Lenore called from outside. 'Don't leave an old lady standing outside in this heat.'

'Oh, this is going to be fun.' Kensi teased Deeks, following him to the door her her hand still entwined in his.

'For you, maybe.' Deeks rolled his eyes.

They stepped onto the lawn, and Deeks barely had time to catch the keys Gabe threw to him.

'Monty still at your place?' Gabe asked. 'I'll go pick him up and meet you at the house.'

'Uh, Monty doesn't like strangers.' Kensi pointed out.

'Wait, you trust me to drive your car?' Deeks blinked with surprise.

'You have a license now, right?' Gabe said with a slightly smirk, then looked at Kensi. 'And I'm not a stranger. Back when I was a cop, Monty was my partner. When the department told me to get rid of him, because of his PTSD, I gave him to Marty.'

'You never told me that.' Kensi looked at Deeks.

'You never asked.' Deeks shrugged. 'Come on, Ma. The car's at Gabe's house.'

'Can't I just wait here for you to bring it around?' Lenore complained. 'You know I hate walking anywhere.'

'No, Ma. We're in danger, remember?' Deeks said.

These were the sort of exchanges that worried him about bringing his mother along, not that he would have left her unprotected either way.

'Shouldn't it be the police department's job to protect us?' Lenore asked.

Kensi looked at Deeks when he halted, not answering his mother. She knew what was likely on his mind, and decided to step in for him.

'We are the police.' Kensi told Lenore. 'Your son is an LAPD Detective. He's also a liaison, and works with me at NCIS.'

'NCI-what?' Lenore stared at her, worry clouding her eyes. 'My boy's a cop?'

'A Detective.' Kensi nodded. 'He's a damn good one, and an even better partner.'

'It's how we met.' Deeks added.

He remembered their act of being a couple, as he turned to face his mother again, and resisted the urge to call Kensi out on complimenting him. The look in his mother's eyes offered no encouragement

'Working together every day, putting our lives in each other hands...We got close. We fell in love.' He watched Kensi for her reaction as he spoke. She only reacted as she was expected to, by giggling at the tenderness of his words and averting her gaze.

'You have a gun?' Lenore ignored their words, remaining primarily interested in her son's new career choice.

'I...' Deeks slouched his shoulders and reached to lift the bottom corner of his hooded jumper. He revealed his holstered gun, though barely for a second.

Lenore nodded, disappointment filling her gaze, as she moved forward in the direction of Gabe's house. The man himself had left them moments earlier, though no one noticed.

Kensi and Deeks caught up with the surprisingly fast older woman, and none of them spoke until they'd climbed into Gabe's aged mustang. Kensi and Deeks conversed on the drive back into the mass of Los Angeles traffic, but Lenore remained very quiet. Kensi slipped further into the role she was meant to be playing, by rubbing his arm with her hand or smiling in his general direction. Kensi wished she could convince herself that the look of adoration she sent his way was hard to muster. They were both aware of Lenore's watchful gaze, and felt a bit out of place again when the older lady remain silent.

Deeks implied this was a rather odd occurrence, and Kensi had no idea what to do about it.

'Nearly there, Sunshine.' Deeks disarmed her composure with another one of his charming grins.

Kensi realised, in only two hours, she had come to miss his vibrant smile. Things were far from okay, and a danger lingered, but with each block they drove away from his childhood home - the more he became the Deeks she knew.

'Where is_ "there"_ exactly?' Kensi asked.

'Our dream house.' Deeks smirked, steering the car up a long driveway.

The sight of a stunning beach house emerged into view, and Kensi had to withhold a gasp of awe. It looked brand new, and to cost more than her whole team's yearly salaries combined. There was plenty of privacy, and the beach spread out in front of it – she hoped there was a veranda so she could step out to watch the calm waves of the sun-kissed blue ocean.

'This is where we're staying?' Kensi got out of the car, still in disbelief.

'It's Gabe's summer house.' Deeks loved making her smile – it was one of the reason he's kept the details of the safe house to himself. They hadn't forgotten, however, that their stay was in no way a holiday.

Deeks headed towards the house, while Kensi followed suit and could not help taking in the sight of it all.

'You do realise we haven't packed anything, right?' Kensi added to Deeks when he carried his mother's suitcase up the steps.

Lenore trailed behind them, looking more eager than Kensi to see inside. Any dispute she'd had earlier was washed away by the sight of the beach house they'd be staying in for an undetermined amount of time. She even commented on how the garden needed watering, or that the house was in such good condition.

'Well, you're welcome to sleep with nothing on, Honey.' Deeks cheekily smirked at Kensi, pausing by the front door. 'And swimsuits are optional, if you want to go for a dip.'

'Hey!' Kensi chuckled, trying to glare, as she aimed a punch at his arm.

Lenore had opened her mouth to say something to her son, but froze at Kensi's action. Neither pair noticed her ashen face, as she replayed the sight in her mind. Lenore quickly looked away, and busied herself with her purse, when Deeks glanced in her direction.

'Are you ready?' Deeks teased Kensi.

'Open the door already.' She rolled her eyes at his attempt at creating suspense.

He turned the key, which had been stashed above the door-frame, and pushed open the door. Lenore was the first to pass ahead of him to look around, mostly because Deeks had reached out to grasp Kensi's elbow. His action prevented her from leaving the doorstep, as Deeks had something he wanted to say first.

'Once we go inside, this is it.' Deeks warned her in a low tone, not wanting his mother to overhear. 'We have to assume, from this moment onwards, that every step we take and each choice we make will be watched. We have to keep our engagement believable, and not just to my mother – assume we're under constant scrutiny all hours of the day.'

'Oh, honey.' Kensi immediately played along.

She placed her hand on his chest and offered him a smile. Only Deeks could see the underlining stubbornness hidden in her sly look, showing she was up for the challenge.

'You worry too much.'

'I just want us to be safe.' Deeks said, trying hard not to smile just because she was.

'You should have thought about that before you decided to propose to me.' Kensi teased, moving to enter the house where she could finally take in its interior appearance.

She was amazed by the stunning appeal and space of the beach house they'd be staying in, wishing all of their safe houses were quite so grand.

'Home sweet home.' Deeks pulled Kensi close to him again. Despite her interest in looking around the house, she leaned to his side and exhaled to indulge in a moment closeness Kensi knew she shouldn't enjoy as much as she did.

This wasn't a family holiday, she reminded herself, but no one was shooting at them right now.

Deeks looked across the polished wooden floors to become mesmerised by the sight of the ocean viewed through the wide windows. Without thinking. He pressed a kiss to Kensi's forehead. The sight of the flowing waves in the distance calmed him, but it was his close contact with Kensi that soothed his inner demons for now. His arms were around her, yet it was Deeks who felt secure in a blanket of safety. He'd never really had a place to call home, but he was beginning to think maybe _"home"_ wasn't necessarily a house.

He always came back to Kensi, and always felt most comfortable with her around - even when they were arguing or interrogating bad guys.

Kensi was his home.


	4. Windows

**Author's Notes:**_This chapter ended up a bit longer than planned. Thanks, again, G for letting me vent and bounce ideas off her. Also, I submitted this at 4AM so there may be the occasional error - if so, I will fix it up once I've had some sleep. Enjoy!_

* * *

**~ Windows ~**

Kensi stood alone in the foyer of the beach house, carefully drifting her gaze over every sight in front of her - from left to right.

Everywhere she looked was well-lit and decorated in light tones. She saw several doors, and a discreet set of stairs, on the left. In the center, opposite the door, was a wide stretch of polished wood floor that expanded to reach a bright display of grand windows so stunningly clear they may as well not be there at all. About halfway, between the foyer and the windows, was a rectangular wooden dining table surrounded by six chairs.

Despite the distance of the plus-shaped interiors of the bottom floor of the beach house, Kensi was able to identify the large veranda she'd hoped for when they'd arrived. Even so, she had to squint to see the panelled barrier, as it was made of a glass considerably more transparent than the windowed double doors leading to the veranda. It overlooked a thin, grassy lawn that shortly met with a vast amount of continuous sand leading far towards the ocean shore.

Kensi smiled at the soothing sight, then shifted her focus. The beach house had a very high ceiling, with the exception of a second ceiling above the area between the dining table and the windows opposite the door. The entire house was huge, and even that bordered area remained considerable large. It was like a room with a wall on either side, and the third being only glass with double doors. Inside that area was what Kensi considered to be the smaller living room. It had a flat-screen television on the left wall – across from it was a sofa wide enough to comfortably fit three people. There was a rug and coffee table between the two.

To her right, with the wall of the small living room separating them, was the wonderful kitchen. It had a horizontally long island counter, with four bar stools on one side – the other side was partially surrounded by everything any chef may need. Kensi, though she anticipated having no use for any of it, could not help admiring the silver two-doored fridge, double stove and oven, dishwasher, counter-top where the coffee pot was located below shelves of spices and knifes, then the pantry at the next wall. One could hardly call the pantry something so simple – with the three separate, mostly transparent, doors giving the appearance of a well-stocked food cupboard filled with more items than she could surely even name.

Across from the kitchen, with plenty of space between, was the main living area. Kensi looked at it and spotted another coffee table, without the television. It was surrounded by a comfy-looking range of sofas and armchairs, which were each accompanied by plenty of cushions.

Kensi had spent a lot of time trying to take it all in at once, wanting to get it over with so she could begin to familiarise herself with where she would be staying. _Temporarily,_ she reminded herself. She was in awe of it all, and yet one thing bothered her about the beach house. Kensi was still an agent, and her mind immediately began to wonder how a former cop could afford such a grandiose summer house. With a sigh, Kensi removed her jacket to hang it on one of the wall-positioned coat hooks near her right. She glanced upwards, hearing Deeks and his mother moving around upstairs, and headed in the direction of the doors to her left. She pulled open the one Deeks had indicated to earlier, and stepped inside.

Kensi didn't react when heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs, which enabled her to anticipate Deeks bursting into view rather dramatically.

'I see you found our room, Hon Bun.' Deeks smirked, looking around at the simple bedroom.

He noticed the bathroom door on the left wall, and the large sliding doors for their built-in wardrobe on the right wall. However, Kensi only stared at the queen bed in the center - with a headboard pressed against the wall opposite the doorway where they stood.

'And we have the smallest downstairs bedroom because...?' Kensi objected while turning to face him.

'Well, it's weird, but the upstairs landing is much less sound proof. Gabe told me years ago – something to do with the thickness of walls, or ceilings, or something about the way the house was built.' Deeks said.

'So?' Kensi shrugged.

'Think about it, Sugarbear.' Deeks said, his eyes implying sly thoughts he didn't put into words.

He raised his eyebrows mischievously as he watched her slowly figure out what he was hinting at.

'We wouldn't want the others to overhear out...Conversations.' He drew out the last word for effect.

If Kensi wasn't busy maintaining their act of being an engaged couple, she wouldn't have prevented herself from rolling her eyes at him. Her imagination threatened to dim her resolve, which Kensi could not allow.

She moved to leave the room, but was hindered by Deeks raising his arm to block her path.

'What do you think of the place?' He wondered.

'It's fine.' Kensi offered a shrug of her shoulders, mostly to mock him.

She tried to take a step, and glared at Deeks when he still refused to move. Kensi could duck under his arm or punch him aside, but she didn't.

'Fine?' Deeks scoffed. 'This house is a surfer's palace!'

'I'm not a surfer.' Kensi did roll her eyes this time. 'Though, I'm surprised a retired cop can afford this. I couldn't even rent it for a day if I saved every penny I got in a year.'

'Gabe came from a wealthy background.' Deeks said casually, dropping his arm.

He opened his mouth to say something else, but was distracted by the downstairs approach of his mother.

'On second thought...' Kensi quickly reacted by reducing the space between them.

Her instinctual protection of their cover, stemmed mostly from her determination to keep it real, captured his curious attention and caught him slightly off-guard.

'Maybe a bedroom with better sound-proofing is a good idea.' She smiled, allowing herself to inhale in scent as she traced his scruffy jawline with her hand.

Kensi lowered her gaze to his lips while trying to ignore the jolt she felt from being in such close proximity to him. It was always momentarily distracting in the past, but now, after everything they'd been through, it was driving her nuts. Kensi stepped back, timing it by a few seconds after Lenore came into view.

Kensi was glad for the chance to regain her sense of control.

'Come on, rabbits.' Lenore shook her head, and dragged her suitcase into the kitchen with the intent of storing her chocolate bars in the fridge. 'I've got Judge Judy to watch.'

Deeks creased his eyebrows, and glanced at the watch on his wrist. He caught sight of the DVD in his mother's hand and sighed. Kensi was about to venture back into the main area of the house when she caught sight of his serious expression. She paused, and glanced down at her own watch, frowning at the time that had somehow passed them by.

'Shouldn't Gabe be back by now?' Kensi wondered.

'Uh, maybe.' Deeks avoided her gaze.

He wanted to pretend it was no big deal, despite the worry he felt in regards to how long it had been since Gabe had told them he'd meet them at the beach house.

'Traffic, probably.'

'Right.' Kensi said quietly.

She watched him walk around her, heading to the windows to look out at the distant ocean. He stood there, staring longingly out at the sloping water, while Kensi tried to work out what to do next. She knew some effort should be made on her behalf to get to know her future mother-in-law, as far as their act went, but Kensi was unsure of how to do that.

Initiating a bonding moment was not one of her specialities.

The unlocking click of the front door side-tracked her thoughts, as everyone turned to hear Monty's toenails clacking against the smooth wood floor. He panted happily and wagged his tail, hurrying to greet Kensi specifically. Kensi assumed she was just the closest, but bent to scratch the dog's ears anyway.

'Hey, Monty.' Kensi greeted.

'He acts like he didn't see you just this morning.' Deeks said.

He was only playing along, Kensi knew, because it had actually been quite some time since she'd seen Monty. It made her wonder where he'd been during those months of Deeks' recovery following his traumatic experience.

'He hasn't changed a bit.' Gabe commented, removing his jacket to hang it beside Kensi's on the foyer rack. He had a luggage bag in one hand, which he tossed to Deeks.

'Oof!' Deeks grunted when he caught it only from instinct. 'What's this?'

'I was there, so I packed your clothes.' Gabe shrugged. He reached into his pocket to pull out some of Monty's toys and tossed them on the floor, out of the way. Gabe carried two silver bowls to the kitchen counter, where they were placed on the floor beside the end of the counter.

'Just mine?' Deeks unzipped the bag. He chose not to comment on how strange it was to have another man pack clothes for him, though Gabe had done so in the past.

'I would be insulted if anyone went through my underwear drawer.' Kensi caught on, knowing she and Deeks were assumed to be living together.

'Except me.' Deeks smirked at her.

'Not from lack of trying.' Kensi frowned. 'Boundaries are not something you're very good at yet.'

'What's yours is mine, Babe.' He countered playfully.

'Not yet.' Kensi teased, showing her engagement ring. 'We're still one ring short.'

'Consider it practise.' Deeks continued without missing a beat.

'More like training.' Kensi scoffed.

'That means I get treats, right?' Deeks chuckled.

'If you be a good boy, Shaggy.' Kensi stated.

'Assuming that's possible.' Gabe added to himself, though loudly enough to be overheard.

'Touche.' Kensi smirked with pride.

'I thought you were on my side.' Deeks glanced at Gabe.

'I'm married now, Marty.' Gabe stated. 'I know better - there's only one side in an argument with a woman.'

'Exactly.' Kensi grinned.

'Ma, you're on my side, right?' Deeks looked over at his mother, who was still busy unloading undetermined amounts of chocolate into the fridge. Her lack of answer, and a mostly-concealed smile, did not inspire reassurance.

'It's time to go.' Gabe nodded to Deeks.

In an instant, the amusement of the siltation dropped as the two men opted for firm expressions.

'Where are we going?' Kensi asked, eager to make some actual progress.

'Not_ "we"_.' Deeks sighed. He looked guilty, and knew she was not going to like what he was about to say. 'I have to return a message to the one who's after us. It's the only way we can be safe here. You can't come.'

'And why the hell not?' Kensi furiously placed her hands on her hips.

Deeks insisted he needed her to back him up, and now he was choosing Gabe over her? This did not settle well with Kensi, not even a little. The idea of Deeks leaving with someone else to watch over him, as he likely did something risky, was not a plan she could agree to.

'It would be suspicious.' Deeks tried to reason with her – as much as one could, considering who she was. 'Gabe and I have been dealing with this psycho for years; we know how he thinks. If I show up with you, it'll look like I'm willingly putting my fiancee in danger. No, I'd be more likely to tell you we're in danger, but not the details – to protect you.'

'That _is_ all you told me.' Kensi argued. 'I'm your partner, Deeks. You said you needed me to back you up, and now...'

'I know.' Deeks nodded. 'It's just this one time, Kens. We're only going to stakeout a place – a public place – then leave a note. That's all. We'll be back in a few hours.'

Deeks knew Kensi wasn't about to let him go, no matter what he said – with the glare fixed on him, and the way her posture tensed in preparation to keep him from leaving. Deeks looked over at his mother, who was watching them intently from the kitchen, and knew what had to be done.

'Protect my mother, please?' Deeks said, letting vulnerability to slip into his expression and tone.

He didn't like the idea of leaving Kensi alone without back up either, but it was necessary. If they raised suspicion by bringing Kensi along, it could all go horribly wrong and they'd be in even more danger than they already were. Unable to handle her dreading gaze, Deeks turned to leave but was hindered when Kensi reached the hold his wrist with both of her hands.

'Deeks...'

Kensi wanted to tell him she hated the plan, and how badly she needed to be there with him rather than trusting someone else to do her job as his partner. She wanted him to know she was worried, and yet the words got caught in her throat. Kensi feared Deeks wouldn't understand.

He did, though.

Deeks placed a hand on her cheek and stared down into her eyes; to Kensi, it was a terrifying experience where it felt as if his piercing blue eyes looked into her soul and heart instead.

'Don't worry, Fern.' Deeks attempted a smile. 'You're not getting rid of me that easily. I'll come back to you – I always do.'

Kensi, inhaling a slow breath, could only stand there as a poster of reluctance while watching Deeks and Gabe leave. When his hand slipped loosely from hers, a chill took over her senses in his absence. It didn't matter where he was going, or how easily Kensi could detect the protectiveness Gabe demonstrated, or the knowledge that Deeks wouldn't be alone – all that mattered was the fact he'd walked out the door without her. He had used almost her exact words against her, from when she intended to go off on her own to stop the man who had killed her father. Deeks, after much protest, remained behind to watch over her mother as Kensi had pleaded him to.

She hated the influence he had over her, and struggled to keep from hitting something in her worried frustration about not being out there with Deeks to have his back.

With a long exhale, Kensi looked over at Lenore. The older woman remained rather quiet. Kensi had hoped to learn more about her, yet Lenore was surprisingly hard to read. Lenore was seated on one of the sofas in the small living room near the windows. The Judge Judy DVD rested on her lap, but the television remained switched off.

Lenore simply sat there, staring into space.

Kensi was aware of her window of opportunity to get to know Lenore, but she didn't take it. Instead of being friendly and joke about Judge Judy (which was a show Kensi watched occasionally), she just stood there. Lenore's face showed worry and firmness, yet Kensi felt a sudden spike of caution. She couldn't understand it, but it was enough to make her turn and gather the bag Gabe had packed for Deeks. Playing her role, if only to give her something to occupy her time with, Kensi headed into the bedroom to unpack the clothes.

She dumped the unzipped bag on the bed and started to sort through it. After a handful of shirts, Kensi noticed the contents were more than just clothes and necessities. With every ounce of surprise, she lifted out a framed photo and held it in her hands. Kensi traced her finger over the glass surface, unsure what to think of Deeks having a framed picture of them. Kensi felt guilty for not even knowing where or when it had been taken; it showed the pair standing with the beach behind them.

Possibly during a case, or...

'Romania.' Kensi whispered, suddenly recognising the scene.

Deeks had taken a dozen photos of her, as a way to spy on nearby bad guys and the general area, but she only now remembered he'd snapped some of them as well. This one he'd been sneaky with, Kensi knew, because she was smiling in a way she rarely did for posed photos. His arm was around her, with the other holding out the camera, and she stood beside him laughing at something he'd said.

They looked so natural together, and blissfully happy.

Kensi stared at the frame for a long moment, then walked through the house to place the picture on one of the shelves in the kitchen. She'd chosen the spot because it would always be in plain sight to the others, for maintaining their act, yet was located where she would personally see it least.

As Kensi returned to the bedroom, passing a slumbering Monty along the way, Lenore looked up from the spot of the coffee table she'd been staring at. She watched the young woman return to the bedroom, moving slightly so she could see Kensi sorting through the clothes from the bag. One of the T-shirts was tucked under the left-side pillow of the bed, though Lenore was more interested in the woman herself.

Rising from the sofa, Lenore wandered into the kitchen to see what Kensi had placed there. She carefully brought down the framed picture, and smiled at the image within. Most mothers would be glad to see the happy soon-to-be-married couple, but Lenore could only focus on the wide grin gracing her son's face. She could easily say it had been years since she'd seen him smile in such a way, but in truth...Lenore struggled to remember a time in his life when he'd ever been that happy.

Kensi watched her from where she peered around the door frame, having noticed being watched and then the older woman moving across the spacious room. She left Lenore to her thoughts, and returned to the packing. Kensi chuckled when she saw Deeks actually owned a razor and shaving cream, which she carried into the bathroom to place inside the medicine cabinet.

It felt strange, during her moment of domesticity, to be unpacking his belongings. It seemed oddly intimate, in the way she even sorted his boxers into a drawer behind the sliding doors, but it didn't carry the same weight of if he'd been doing the same for her. Maybe it was a gender thing? Either way, Kensi found it was not helping to distract her mind from his absence.

Surrounding herself with his scent wasn't aiding any form of rational thought, actually.

Sinking to sit on the edge of the bed, Kensi carefully exhaled to fight back her urge to call Ops and have them find out where Deeks was so she could join him. They didn't have their phones, so she couldn't even call him. It was frustrating, to sit there and wait for his return - not knowing if he was in danger or needed his partner. It reminded her of those longer moments growing up, wondering if her father was okay when he was on duty, and hoping he'd be back home soon. She'd done the same for Jack, until he'd come home with PTSD and never left...Up until the last night she'd ever seen him.

Emotions and fears swirled through her once again. Kensi stood and stubbornly searched for something to do. The sound of Judge Judy playing on the television in the other room told her she'd missed her chance to talk with Lenore. Kensi knew she could probably still join the woman in watching it.

Instead, her brown gaze fell to the window between her side of the bed and the sliding wardrobe doors. Kensi approached it and traced the latch with her hands – it could easily be opened, though only from the inside.

Biting her lip, and looking at the empty luggage bag lying deflated on the bed, Kensi wondered how easily she could slip out and head back to her place to pack her own clothes. She'd stayed at Deeks' place overnight, and was still yet to have a shower or change into clothes that hadn't been worn the day before. She had nothing with her, and Deeks' teasing suggestion for her to wear nothing to bed did not help quieten the thoughts sweeping through her mind.

She had stolen one of his shirts, but it was not something she was eager to confess to just yet.

Deeks had discreetly told her they could stop by her place in the morning to gather some clothes, but Kensi knew it wasn't going to work. He and Gabe were in Los Angeles right now, returning whatever message they thought was necessary to whoever was behind their need for a safe house, and Kensi knew after they did that they'd all be watched very closely. It wasn't practical for them to go to her place at all after that moment - surely if they were engaged than they'd be living together? Deeks insisted she had to stay behind to decrease suspicion, and Kensi rolled her eyes at the irony of him not wanting to follow the same careful logic in regards to her packing.

If Deeks was convinced he'd be fine without her for a few hours, than there was no reason Kensi couldn't do the same. Kensi wasn't going to leave Lenore unprotected, but she had an idea crazy enough to work.

* * *

'Honey, I'm home!' Deeks called out, entering the foyer when he returned alongside Gabe.

Monty was curled up on an armchair, asleep, while Lenore set on the sofa where her attention was on the television.

'Marty!' Lenore was relieved by his safe return.

She abandoned her show to hurry over and hug him. Deeks welcomed her embrace, though he was distracted by the absence of Kensi.

'Kens?' Deeks approached partially-closed bedroom door. 'Sugarbear? I know you missed me, Darling!'

'Yeah, right.' Came her heavily sarcastic reply.

'Whatcha doing?' Deeks pushed open the door and peered over at her.

She lay on the claimed left side of the bed, which was a sight that confused him. It all seemed rather unKensi-like.

'Laying here.' Kensi dead-panned, not looking in his direction. Her hand was on her stomach, and she appeared rather unmotivated to move.

'We're gonna order take-out at four.' Deeks said, unsure what she was up to. 'You gonna to join us?'

'No.' Kensi frowned. 'I'm staying here - maybe take a nap.'

'Why?' Deeks stepped fully into the room. 'What's wrong?'

'Lady business, Deeks.' Kensi offered him a glare. 'Do you want me to write it down for you? I'd like at least one hour of undisturbed peace - is that too much to ask?'

'Wow, okay.' Deeks stepped back, a bit alarmed by her snarl. It wasn't unusual, but she hadn't been like that before he'd left the beach house earlier. 'I'll let you know when we order dinner.'

'Fine.' Kensi nodded.

Deeks backed out of the room, and left the door shut.

Kensi quickly sat up and listened carefully to the sounds in the other room. This was her chance. She went to the window, and unhooked the latch. Kensi fluidly climbed onto the open windowsill, then jumped down onto the grass below. The window was several feet above her standing height, but close enough for her to handle the fall and still be able to climb back up without too much trouble. She reached to pull the windows closed as quietly as possible. Kensi grabbed a pencil she'd had tucked behind her ear, and stuck it in the center of the meeting windowpanes so it looked latched closed - without actually locking her out.

Checking the area was clear, Kensi crept around some shrubs and headed down the slip of lawn parallel to the distant driveway. She reached the road, and crossed the street, recalling the location of a payphone not far from the nearby bus stop. Kensi was anxious as she called for a taxi; she had to restrain her urge to keep touching the gun holstered at her hip, concealed by her shirt.

She had until four to get back to the beach house. At the time, it seemed like an easy enough deadline to meet.

What Kensi hadn't anticipated was to find company at her place, or what happened next.

The hour ticked by, and this time it wasn't Kensi who paced in the beach house in search for a distraction.

Deeks watched to tell her what happened with the message – it had been a simple task of leaving an envelope taped under a counter in a clothing store. The more he tried to tune out his mother's discussions about Judge Judy, the more Deeks began to think of Kensi. He stared at the closed bedroom door many times, which Gabe noticed with an amused smirk. Deeks was, at first, tempted to tease Kensi Blye about the need to lay down as she was not the sort of person to admit to having any sort of weakness.

And then, he began to realise it wasn't amusing anymore – it was very suspicious.

When the clock mutely announced it was four, Deeks marched to the bedroom door with a frown on his face. He knew it wasn't like Kensi to not ask about where he was and what he did, or to admit she was in any sort of pain enough to demand him to leave her alone so she could rest - and finally, he also knew it wasn't the right time for her _"lady business"._

'Kensi?' Deeks turned the knob and pushed open the door, surprised to see her lying exactly where he'd left her.

She had her eyes closed, with her hand resting over her side, and didn't move until he spoke.

'You hungry?' Deeks asked casually.

He tried to push back his building suspicions, but had nothing to cling to that meant anything more than him simply being paranoid. The entire day had thrown everything out of balance, so it was surely only natural that Kensi's behaviour factored into it as well?

Deeks wasn't convinced, yet he let it drop for now.

'Yeah.' Kensi scoffed at his silly question. 'I'll be out in a minute.'

'Okay.' Deeks nodded, watching her carefully. Sighing, he turned and left the room to work out what his mother felt like eating.

Kensi slowly sat up, and winced. She bit her lip to withhold a gasp, and moved to leave the bed. She walked around it, and headed into the bathroom. Shutting the door, Kensi leaned her back against it; she was glad her shirt was darkly coloured. She lifted the material, trying to touch her hand to the wound, but couldn't angle it into her eye-line.

With a sharp inhale, Kensi removed her hand and stared at the blood smeared on her palm.

Kensi would never truly admit she couldn't handle trouble without Deeks being there to back her up, but in the case of what just happened to her...Kensi might have made an exception.

* * *

**Author's Notes:** _What happened to Kensi will be revealed next chapter. Please take a moment to offer theories/feedback - I very much appreciate it! And thank you to __everyone__ who reads this story - you're awesome!_


	5. Damaged

**Author's****Notes:** I'm having trouble keeping these chapters to a shorter length, but consider this one being longer as a "thanks" too all of my wonderful reviewers, and readers. A special thanks to G, for being awesome - and helpful!

* * *

**~ Damaged ~**

* * *

"_Yeah, well, it's much better to be the breaker than the breakee, I think." Deeks said._

"Y_ou're just broken, Deeks." Kensi replied._

"_Yeah, well, no argument there."_

~ 3x16 "Blye.K"

* * *

Kensi had one hour.

It was an incredibly short time, if Los Angeles traffic was taken into account, but she was confident she could manage it even when she wasn't the one driving. After sneaking out the window, and heading to the road, Kensi used a pay phone to call for a taxi. It arrived in short time, and she get into the back seat. She gave directions to an area a block away from her place, rather than a direct route to where she lived.

Kensi Blye was stubborn and determined, but not necessarily foolish.

As convinced as she was that she wouldn't need back up for the simple act of heading to her place to pack some clothes, Kensi remained alert to the fact they were in danger. Deeks' words echoed through her head on the drive, which she was surprised to realise wasn't too far. They were able to bypass all the traffic with a few carefully-selected back roads, enabling her to save time and thus make her task easier.

"_Once we go inside, this is it." _Deeks had told her when they'd arrived at the beach house hours previous. _"We have to assume, from this moment onwards, that every step we take and each choice we make will be watched. We have to keep our engagement believable, and not just to my mother – assume we're under constant scrutiny all hours of the day."_

Kensi briefly wondered how Deeks would react when he found out she'd left on her own to pack, but she pushed it from her mind. She got out of the taxi, and paid the driver. Kensi kept a careful, yet discreet, eye on the area as she strode forward to head in the direction of her place.

Reaching the front door, Kensi paused. She frowned, looking around once again, then used her key to unlock the door. Stepping inside the shadowed room felt very strange. She'd lived there for years, yet it felt oddly out of place to her this time. Kensi assumed it had something to do with the fact it had been over a day since she'd been there.

So much had happened since then.

Kensi went straight to her bedroom, not wanting to waste any time. She searched for a suitcase and tugged it loose from the shelf it was stored on. Kensi let it drop onto the floor, and moved to forcefully shove aside hangers of clothes inside her wardrobe. She made sure to grab some nicer clothes as well as everyday ones – a lady could never be too prepared to look stunning on short noticed. Focusing her attention to her nearby drawers, Kensi snatched a handful of shirts, then halted. She put all her concentration into her hearing, not daring to move.

There was a sound outside, very close, and she knew it wasn't her imagination.

Kensi tossed the shirts into her open suitcase, and unholstered her gun. Slowly moving through the main room, and staying away from the windows, Kensi pressed to the space of wall beside the front door. She cautiously listened to the activity on the other side. When she recognised the familiar voices, Kensi exhaled with dread, and winced.

With a huff of determination, she grabbed the knob and jerked the door open – startling the two men standing on her doorstep.

'What?' Kensi snapped at her two co-workers.

'Guess she answered what question.' Callen said dryly to Sam.

'Everything okay?' Sam raised an eyebrow at her.

'I'm fine.' Kensi told them. 'Who the hell are you?'

She could see the way they glanced her over, checking for any sign of being injured. Kensi hadn't forgotten that she had an act to keep up, nor the way Deeks had insisted not to involve NCIS in whatever was going on. She hoped this didn't break her word to him, when she took the relatively extreme chance to alert the pair that she was somewhat under a cover.

'Oh, uh...' Callen looked around with every demonstration of casualness, though his eyes displayed his high alert as he gave the area a brief glance.

'Wait, we work together, right?' Kensi made a show of slapping her forehead. 'I'm not so great with names, but you look familiar. Yeah, well, I'm on leave so whatever you've got going on – I can't help you.'

'You're on leave?' Sam prodded for information.

'We must have missed that.' Callen added.

'My fiancée has promised to take me on a holiday for months. He finally got around to it.' Kensi smiled. 'You know how Deeks is. Anyway, I've got to pack, so...' She sternly indicated for them to leave. Kensi bit her lip slightly to restrain from telling them everything she knew so far.

Admittedly, it wasn't a lot.

'You're off to some exotic location?' Callen joked. Once again, his curious tone didn't reflect the concern in his eyes.

'G, come on.' Sam played along. 'She's obviously not interested. Let's go.'

'Yeah, it's none of your business.' Kensi frowned. 'It's not exactly private, but we manage. We don't have to leave the country to have a good time.' She thought her words were a bit too revealing for the sort of person she was. In reality, if some random co-workers showed up at her door as they had, she'd have told them to go away and shut the door in their faces.

It was her need to tell them _something _that overrode her usual reflexes.

'Hey, whatever works, right?' Callen shrugged. 'Okay. Well, give us a call if you change your mind.'

Kensi remained in the doorway when they turned to leave.

She watched the pair cross the road, and ensured they drove away. Despite wanting to keep them reasonably informed, Kensi wondered if she'd made a mistake. Deeks hadn't given her the details, but she trusted him when he'd said not to involve NCIS. And as per protocol, they might follow her to where she was staying – Kensi knew she would have.

Returning to her bedroom, Kensi increased the pace of her packing. She'd wasted time talking to Callen and Sam. Tossing in anything she decided she might need, Kensi quickly did a final check of her belongings – it was probably the only time she'd get the chance to pack, and no one knew how long they'd be staying at the beach house. She was the sort of person who would pack several bags when going on a holiday, but there simply wasn't time. She also had to get back through the window, and didn't want to be slowed down by having to drag several bags with her.

Kensi, with highlighted senses, used the back exit to leave her place.

Gripping her suitcase, and wishing she'd known where her lighter bag was stored, she crossed the small back yard. She climbed the wooden fence, already aware of which locations would help or hinder her to avoid being spotted from any section of road. When she was convinced she was safe from being followed by her co-workers, Kensi took a careful route back to the beach house. She couldn't be certain if Eric and Nell were on alert or not, so Kensi didn't risk using a pay phone to call for another taxi. The distance was only several blocks away, and she was stubbornly confident she could make it without getting out of breath. Jogging with a suitcase, and putting every effort into not being followed by a car, made the her return trip rather difficult.

She paused multiple times to check the coast was clear, and it had her further on edge.

With a quick glance to her watch, Kensi looked up the driveway leading to the beach house. She turned left to use the cover of the shrubs, as she couldn't exactly walk right up to the front door and not expect to be caught.

She made a mental note to mention to Deeks how easy it was to sneak up on the place.

'Ugh!'

Kensi barely withheld a yell when arms suddenly wrapped tightly around her sides and shoulders from behind. The aggressively strong arms, with various tattoos printed on tanned skin, had pinned her arms to her side. His feet were space apart, so she wasn't even able to stomp on them. She squirmed, dropping her suitcase, and growled at her failed efforts to loosen his grip.

Her plan had been relatively successful up until then, and Kensi felt furious for slipping up now.

'You must be his girl.' The deep, commanding voice in her ear gave her the creeps. Kensi felt a chill when she realised he was holding her tighter than it was necessary to simply retrain someone.

'Let go of me.' Kensi growled. 'Who are you?'

'I should have known Marty wouldn't tell you.' The man said. 'He can't protect you forever. No one owes me and gets away without paying!' He snapped, and clenched his grip.

Kensi grunted, feeling as though her ribs were being crushed against her lungs. She continued to struggle against his hold, but knew it was futile until he exposed some weakness for her to exploit.

'You want money?' Kensi kept up the act, while fishing for information.

'No.' He scoffed. 'Marty really hasn't told you anything, has he?'

'He said we're in danger.' Kensi risked answering, though she felt the sting from his words. Deeks really had left her in the dark about anything that might have better prepared her for a confrontation. 'We're staying away.'

'Good. That might just keep you all alive.' The captor smirked, which Kensi could feel against her hair as his words were rudely whispered into her ear.

'If you hurt them, I swear to God, I'll kill you.' Kensi snarled.

'No, you won't.' His voice was far from amused or conversational. 'I know how to make anyone hurt until they give in, or give up. Hurting you is the most effective way to make Marty suffer for what he did. This is just a start.'

Kensi had no warning for what happened next.

She was restrained, and irritated, but then everything became a blur of danger and instinct. She grunted again when she was shoved roughly to the ground. She spun around on the dirt, and reached for her gun. With a gasp, Kensi looked up to see the tanned, tattooed man standing over her with her own gun pointed at her heart. She could swipe him off his feet, but risked the gun going off – he was not quite close enough, which would be disastrous if he reacted just as quickly.

Feeling a loss of control, Kensi absorbed every detail of his appearance she could see – committing his face to memory.

'Your boyfriend-'

'Fiancée.' Kensi corrected angrily.

'Fine, your _fiancée _has no idea you left, does he?' The man looked over at the suitcase that remained discarded against a small shrub. 'What's in the bag?'

'Clothes.' Kensi replied. 'I had rather short notice about this holiday. It seems someone blew up my car.' She glared straight at him, challenging his confidence by showing she was not afraid of him.

'I had to get his attention. It worked.' The man nodded. 'Alright, here's what's going to happen: You're going to get your ass back inside the house, reunite with your _fiancée_, and stay the hell out of my way. We'll be watching. Try anything, and I'll shoot the brains out of your pretty little head.'

His expression was deadly serious. He tilted the gun, and pressed it against her skull, filling his threat with brutal honesty. Kensi didn't blink, as she stared back at him, seeing the wild lack of patience and control in his dark eyes. Kensi now understood why Deeks kept calling him the_ "psycho"_.

Kensi, however, wasn't a submissive person.

She made the bold move of raising her hands and slowly standing. She was furious, and fought the urge to punch him, but didn't move. The defiance and anger in her gaze was intense, which heightened the man's distrust of her. He grabbed a handful of her hair, and yanked her neck back to once again show his ruthless dominance over the situation. Kensi hissed at the sting of her scalp, yet held back any further reaction.

She wished she hadn't.

Kensi didn't care the others were in the beach house just up the driveway, or if the bad guy thought she was weak – when he aimed a hard punch to her side, Kensi released a muffled cry of pain. Her shirt was thin, so she'd felt the scrape of his ring against her flesh. Hurt seared through her ribcage, causing her to hunch on the ground when he'd released her. Kensi gasped for air, and was barely aware of her gun dropping onto the ground within her reach. Growling, she snatched the weapon and aimed.

The man was gone.

Inhaling a quick breath to steady herself, Kensi glanced at her watch, and groaned. She got to her feet, with one hand pressed to her injured side, and staggered to her suitcase. Inhaling another breath, Kensi made her way up the slope of grass towards the window of the bedroom she shared with Deeks.

She paused to wait a few precious seconds for the next wave of pain to pass. The window had been barely low enough for her to reach and climb, but it had been a far better plan of re-entry when it didn't burn her side to move. She had to get back before Deeks saw her in such a weakened state, and Kensi allowed that to be her motivation.

She pulled the pencil from the latch, and yanked the windows fully open. Kensi shoved her suitcase inside, feeling lucky when it slid into the room rather than drop soundly onto the floor. Releasing a shaky breath, she hoisted herself up all the way, and slipped into the bedroom. Sitting on the floor, Kensi bit down to prevent a yelp from escaping her lips, as she clutched her side. Kensi swallowed, and rose with the support of the wall. She securely latched the windows, and stored her suitcase in the bottom of the wardrobe.

'Kensi?'

Hearing Deeks' voice on the other side of the door alerted her once again. For a split second, Kensi thought he had caught her. When the knob began to turn, Kensi dove for the bed and lay down. She closed her eyes, and masked her face to hide the pain shooting through her side.

'You hungry?' His tone indicated he was not easy to fool, despite her best efforts.

'Yeah.' Kensi was proud to open her eyes and easily scoff at him, as though nothing was wrong. 'I'll be out in a minute.'

'Okay.'

Deeks left the room.

Kensi inhaled another calming breath to keep her composure; she refused to properly react to her pain, and convinced herself it wasn't as bad as it felt. Despite her denial, Kensi took her time sitting up. She winced when another burst of pain shot through her. Biting her lip to contain her gasp, Kensi left the bed and walked around it.

She stepped inside the bathroom, and shut the door to lean her back against it.

Kensi lifted the dark material of her shirt to carefully touch the wounded area with her free hand. She cautiously turned, trying to angle it into her eye-line, but the impact had been aimed too far behind her – yet not enough for the mirror to aide her sight.

'Ow! Ow, geez.' Kensi took in a sharp breath of air, closing her eyes in grimace. She removed her hand, feeling nervous about the sight of blood smeared on her palm.

Kensi would never truly admit she couldn't handle trouble without Deeks being there to back her up, but this time she'd really messed up. She'd packed her clothes, dodged their co-workers, and yet when it really mattered – Kensi had been defeated by one man.

She might have made an exception to her usual rule of stubbornness this time, but she refused to head into the other room to confess everything to Deeks. Kensi told herself she had to play it cool; she had to stay strong, and overcome her pain like she always did. Kensi Blye might occasionally make mistakes, but she did not have weaknesses!

She only hoped this time it wasn't going to cost them.

'Really?' Deeks sighed, watching his mother familiarise herself with the kitchen.

Gabe had sat up a laptop on the coffee table in the small living room, and was busy typing away at it. Monty was asleep near the wide windows leading to the veranda, content to remain oblivious to everything else.

'I thought we were ordering take-out?' Kensi's voice reached him.

'Ma decided to cook instead.' Deeks rolled his eyes, turning to face her. He noticed her dark, long-sleeved shirt had been changed with a plain blue T-shirt. 'Uh, Kens?'

'What?' Kensi asked lightly.

She reached to the fruit bowl on the kitchen counter, and popped a grape into her mouth. She used minimal movement to look at him, and awaited what she knew was coming.

'You changed your shirt.' Deeks stated. Suspicion and worry seeped into his entire form.

Even Gabe and Lenore knew the significance behind his words; Gabe looked over from his laptop, and Lenore slowed her actions to better concentrate on eavesdropping.

'So?' Kensi answered stubbornly.

'You didn't have another shirt to change into.' Deeks felt annoyance replace his concern, as his panic overrode it. 'You had nothing packed.'

'Exactly.' Kensi countered. 'I was not going to be the only person in this house who couldn't even change her damn shirt.'

'It wasn't lady business, was it?' Deeks frowned. 'You lied to me?'

'It _was_ lady business.' Kensi retaliated in defensiveness. 'It's not my fault you assumed the wrong kind. Look, I just slipped out for a moment to get some clothes from our place. I was careful, Deeks.'

Deeks stared at her attentively, and saw the tell-tale signs of not getting the full picture. He convinced himself it was because his mother was standing right there, with only a counter between them, and so Kensi didn't want to talk about it with company around. Deeks still worried, though. If they started keeping secrets, in the dangerous situation they were in, things could take a very bad turn.

'Marty, a word?' Gabe rose from the sofa.

'I-Fine.' Deeks huffed, turning to follow the older man outside.

Kensi watched them, irritated by the lack of details they wouldn't share with her, but wished Deeks hadn't walked away. He had been an excellent distraction from her pain. It had dulled somewhat, though she tried not to bend or move too much. Walking around the counter to see what Lenore was making, Kensi decided to finally make an attempt to get to know the other woman.

She was Deeks' mother, after all.

'So, uh...Mrs-I mean, Ms-'

'Lenore.' She offered Kensi a hesitant smile. 'Call me Lenore, Dear.'

'Right. Lenore. Is this where he gets his cooking skills from?' Kensi tried to start a conversation. She did know for a fact that Deeks made delicious meals, as he'd cooked for her a few times before.

'I've taught him since he was a boy.' Lenore said. 'I'm sure he loves what you make him too.'

'Me?' Kensi snorted in effort not to outright laugh, while withholding a pained wince at the action. 'Oh, no. No, I can't cook.'

'Everyone can cook.' Lenore reasoned, dropping chopped vegetables into a pot of boiling water on the stove.

'Yeah, not me.' Kensi chuckled. 'He won't even let me make toast.'

Lenore cracked a genuine smile, looking at Kensi with amusement. The two women then glanced at the front door, each knowing Deeks and Gabe were conversing on the other wide.

'I wish he'd just tell me what's going on.' Kensi allowed herself to briefly vent in front of Lenore.

'He will.' The other woman nodded. 'Marty is careful with his words. When he's ready, you won't be able to quiet him.'

'Oh, I know.' Kensi rolled her eyes. 'He's more than content to talk my ear off day after day.'

'That's good.' Lenore said sadly. 'He's come a long way.'

Kensi wondered if Lenore implied Deeks hadn't been as talkative before, or if maybe somehow Kensi had brought that out in him. She didn't think so, as Deeks had always been rather chatty, yet Lenore's expression made her curious.

'How long have you known Marty?' Lenore asked while chopping more vegetables.

'Uh, years.' Kensi answered. 'I met him on a case about five years ago. We were both undercover at the time - he wasn't officially assigned as our liaison until a while later.'

'He used to be a lawyer, you know.' Lenore said, keeping her attention on her task at hand. There was sadness in her expression, while her tone remained neutral. It reminded Kensi of Callen earlier, and of Deeks during almost every undercover op they went on – their expressions and eyes always told different stories.

'I know.' Kensi nodded.

She fought to keep her words limited now, to prevent a gasp escaping her lips. The pain wasn't getting better. She feared the dampness of her clean shirt meant the blood was beginning to soak through.

'My boy is very smart - becoming a lawyer, and now a cop. He always did really well in his classes, and worked hard.' Lenore continued with hints of pride. 'Marty always managed to stay one step ahead of me. How do you keep up with him?'

Kensi could no longer hear what Lenore was saying. The unease of her predicament sapped her focus, and made her further worried about the blood. She gripped the edge of the counter, and ducked her head with concern. She'd moved too quickly, which sent a spike of pain through her side.

The burn of her injury had reignited.

Kensi gave up her attempts to mask her discomfort. Without a word, in attempt to avoid Lenore noticing her condition, Kensi turned around and left the room.

Deeks and Gabe returned indoors; Gabe headed upstairs, and Deeks turned to watch Kensi enter the bedroom. Lenore sighed and resumed her cooking, while Deeks stood in the middle of the foyer.

He was confused, as he observed the haste Kensi showed when intently shutting the bedroom door.

'Ma?' Deeks walked to the kitchen. 'Everything okay with Kensi?'

'Oh, I think I upset her.' Lenore said. 'We were just talking and...I don't know. She seemed a bit sensitive.'

'Kensi, sensitive?' Deeks bit back a snort. 'What did you say?'

'I asked how she was able to keep up with you; with your smarts and hard work.' Lenore shrugged. 'I didn't realise it was something that might bother her.'

Deeks instantly became worried. There was no way Kensi Blye would walk away from the chance to retort with how he would be the one keeping up with her, or to laugh at how ridiculous it could be that she had trouble keeping up with anyone.

He knew, right then, that something was terribly wrong.

Deeks marched towards the bedroom door, and pushed it open. He searched for where Kensi had gone, until he heard a yelp from the ajar bathroom door. He walked to it, and hesitated with worry.

'Kens?'

'Go away.' She snapped out of instinct, though her verbal wince was no longer contained.

There was only a brief pause before she spoke again.

'Deeks.'

He thought he'd imagined it.

Kensi had never said his name like that before; it was formed from raw vulnerability. She was asking him for help. Deeks opened the door slowly, unsure of what to expect, and saw her standing in the middle of the room. Her arms were at her side with defeat, though her fiery eyes showed the depth of her annoyance and embarrassment.

'I can't angle to see the damage.' Kensi said, wishing she didn't need assistance. In fact, it was downright infuriating. 'Can you take a look?'

'Damage?' Deeks echoed. 'What happened?'

Kensi didn't reply. She turned her back to him, and lifted her shirt over her head to drape it over the side of the bathroom sink. The chill from a tiny overhead window gave her goosebumps - she was dressed in a pair of jeans, and her bra.

Deeks blinked politely, then lowered his gaze to the colouring on her side.

'Geez, Kens, who'd you take out?' Deeks frowned as he stepped closer.

He tenderly touched her skin with his fingers, tracing carefully around the injured area. The sight of blood was oddly difficult for him to stare at. She was hurt, and he hadn't been there to prevent it. He hadn't been there to protect his partner.

Unable to work out the damage with all the blood, Deeks moved to the sink to soak a cloth with slightly warmed water. He pretended not to notice the way Kensi hadn't moved since he'd touched her back. She continued to stare at him through the mirror, while he returned to her side.

The cool liquid soaking up the drying blood distracted her, as it worked to tame the burn of her pain. She wished it was the cloth that bothered her, or the sting it left behind on her wound, but it wasn't. Deeks had one hand placed against her hip, while the other soothed and cleaned her injured skin. The contact against her hip was light, but it sent shivers through her spine in a way that cancelled out the pain she'd been enduring since receiving the unexpected hit from behind. What caught her off-guard the most, despite having been in a similar situation before, was how gentle Deeks was. Every movement he made was considerate and soft.

The strangest part of all, was how it didn't surprise Kensi; not really.

It was just Deeks.

'It's a gash.' He finally said. Cleaning away the blood had revealed the scrape and bruising, though it didn't ease his guilt. 'What happened?'

'Can we not talk about this right now?' Kensi sighed. 'How bad is it?'

'Not bad.' Deeks admitted. The blood had stopped, and the bruise wasn't too dark; it looked painful, but didn't need medical attention. 'Who did this?'

'Deeks.' Kensi warned, reaching for her shirt. She pulled it back on, and turned to face him. She saw the predicted defiance and protectiveness in his blue gaze, but was struck by a deeper display of distress and guilt.

'You're really not going to tell me what happened?'

'That's not fair.' Kensi commented. 'What about you? Are you going to tell me what the hell is going on? Why are we in danger?'

'Since when do we have secrets between us?' Deeks asked quietly, looking away.

'Since when aren't we there to back up our partner?' Kensi responded.

'Touche.' Deeks said. 'What about my mother?'

'What about your mother?' Kensi, baffled by the re-direction.

'She thinks you're worried about keeping up with me.' Deeks smirked.

'As if!' Kensi scoffed. 'You're lucky I _let_ you keep up with _me_.'

Deeks chuckled at her expected reply, though his eyes remained serious as he looked her over again.

'Are we good?'

Kensi was quiet, only now realising he was still standing very close to her. She could, if she had no sense of control, reach up and comb her hand through his hair without having to shift closer. She could, if she allowed it..._No_. Kensi mentally shook those temptations from her mind, breaking eye contact as she considered an answer.

'Maybe.' Kensi met his oceanic gaze again. 'This isn't going to work, Deeks, if we don't trust each other.'

'I trust you.' Deeks insisted.

'But you won't tell me what's going on.' Kensi argued. 'Why the secrecy? We're being watched – I need to know what this is about. I need to know who _he_ is.'

Something about the way Kensi spoke, with renewed determination, once again stirred suspicion within Deeks. The look in her eyes hadn't been there before - not even when her car had exploded on the side of the road. The tone she'd used when saying they were being watched was riddled with a certainty she'd only recently gained. He looked at her covered side, and realised he'd made a mistake.

He couldn't protect Kensi; not like this.

'Okay.' Deeks nodded, trying to smile. 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours.'

'I think I've shown you enough for one day.' Kensi teased. 'We need to talk.'

'Talking's good. I can talk.' Deeks said.

'Oh, I know.' Kensi rolled her eyes. 'The real problem is getting you to shut up.'

'That hurts, Fern.' Deeks mocked. 'Admit it, you secretly love my amazing conversational skills. In fact, you love everything about me! My hair, my scent, my incredible wit, and charming personality. You wouldn't want me any other way.'

Kensi had a quip prepared, but it never left her tongue. They were standing only inches apart, and his words soared through her mind faster than she could deny them. She'd thought of combing his hand with her fingers only minutes ago, and had stolen one of his shirts earlier. She missed the way he'd make her laugh – more often than she'd admit.

It was the truth she couldn't run from.

A year ago, Kensi would have continued to play their exchange game without such hesitation; this time, it was harder. This time, to deny those things would be like denying a part of herself - the part inside her that was connected to him as easily as a hospital monitor detected a heart beat.

Instead of hiding away the truth, Kensi offered him an honest smile. She was smug to catch him by surprise, as she placed a hand to his cheek and moved slightly closer to his face.

'Yeah.' She nodded. 'I wouldn't have you any other way, Shaggy.'

In a blink, despite her injury, Kensi had left the bathroom.

Deeks remained there, wondering what had just happened. The shift between them was unmistakable, but he couldn't define it yet. Whatever it was, Deeks felt confident that nothing between them had been broken. He hung his head, exhaled a long breath, and decided it was time to tell her what was going on. Deeks wished it was only about keeping Kensi and his mother safe, but the reality was far worse.

Deeks was scared.

If the psycho had already gotten to Kensi, then the fight had officially started.


	6. Mother Knows Best

**Author's****Notes:** The chapter once again ended up longer than planned. Keep an eye out for a new fic I'll be adding soon called "Wish". It's also Densi, and will be in the same "shorter chapters in favour of faster updates" method as this story. A huge thanks to G because she's awesome - 'nuff said. Also to all of my reviewers/readers. Some of the reviews I wasn't able to answer in time for the update, and didn't want to repeat-answer. Sorry - I'll do my best to make sure this doesn't happen again, as I appreciate each and every one of you. Enjoy!

* * *

**~ Mother Knows Best ~**

Lenore sat in the small living room, with her attention focused solely on the television. The sounds of the comedy show cancelled out the would-be silence of the beach house.

Gabe had headed upstairs for bed, shortly after dinner had concluded.

Kensi was busy in the kitchen, washing the dishes from their nightly meal. While she dried a plate, Kensi glanced around the main portion of the house. The interior looked furthermore fancier when electricity enabled the rooms to be bathed in lovely beams of light. The walls glowed, and silver surfaces shined, yet never in a way that hurt or overwhelmed her eyes.

Kensi placed the last clean dish on the rack, and drained the sink. She left the rest to dry on their own, while wiping the water from her hands. She turned to her right, around the brief wall, to where Lenore sat comfortably in a sofa to watch the television. Kensi didn't take any notice of the show on the screen, as she looked away from the woman watching it. Her brown eyes drifted across to the large glass windows and doors leading to the veranda. It was where the striking contrast of the well-lit and sound-filled house undeniably clashed with the darkened, likely quietness of the exterior.

The sun had dipped below the distant ocean's horizon, though the shapes and movement of the waves were still visible underneath the unguarded moonlight. The lights streaming through the windows of the house lit up the veranda enough to make out the single form standing there. Deeks rested his elbows on the glass panel barrier, his back to the house, as he faced the fading horizon.

Kensi watched him, carefully leaning her shoulder against the wall between the kitchen, where she'd been, and the small living room where Lenore remained.

Deeks had been out there for a while, and Kensi wondered if she should join him. The moment in the bathroom earlier was still fresh on her mind. After he'd examined and tended to her wound, nothing appeared to have changed. They'd sat down the the dining table to enjoy Lenore's lovely dinner, and engaged in general conversation. Subsequently, when the plates were cleared away, they each went their separate ways: Lenore to the television, Gabe upstairs, Kensi to the kitchen, and Deeks onto the veranda.

'Go on, Dear.' Lenore's words startled Kensi. 'He won't mind.'

'How do you know?' Kensi wondered. She swallowed her reaction to the jolt of pain in her side, caused by her flinch of surprise.

'He's watching the ocean.' Lenore said, looking towards the silhouette of her son. 'It calms him, more than anything I've ever known.'

Kensi didn't understand how it explained that Deeks wouldn't mind being interrupted from his moment, but she didn't question it. Kensi simply trusted that his mother would know better than she did. With a small smile in Lenore's direction, Kensi crossed the space to reach the glass door. Kensi pushed it open, and shivered from the night air she felt against her skin.

Deeks didn't react to the flow of sound coming through the open doorway, or her presence. Either Lenore was right, or he merely hadn't noticed he had company.

Kensi always thought highly of the fascination he had for the ocean. She'd never told him, but there was something about his connection to the sloping waves of nature that she always found inspiring. His eyes, though she couldn't see them right now, always reminded her of the gentle ripple, or furious waves, of the oceanic water. When he was surfing, Deeks became one with the water. When he'd taught her to surf, about a year ago, Kensi had high hopes of finally understanding what it was about the water he felt so linked to. It had secretly saddened her to realise she'd barely glimpsed its meaning.

'Hey.' Kensi kept her voice low, sensing a normal or louder tone might break the moment.

The veranda had a sort of energy about it the house lacked. It was peaceful, yet dangerous. It was difficult for her to put a term on it, yet in its essence it was raw. She perceived it as though they were the only two people in the world standing in the shadows of the night, while the moonlight shone down upon the waves of the ocean they both watched.

'Hey.' Deeks returned. He sounded every bit as calm as his mother had claimed he would be.

'Just watching the water?' Kensi walked to stand at his right.

She looked over at the ocean again, but all she saw was the motion of dark liquid. She knew Deeks saw everything; far beyond the depths of the sea he'd tamed.

'Watching. Thinking.' Deeks maintained the same subdued tone she did.

'Thinking?' Kensi repeated carefully. 'You thinking about anything in particular?'

'I'm thinking about us.' Deeks said, his gaze still locked to the distance.

'Oh.' Kensi glanced downwards. 'Right.'

'Us, and the danger we're in.' Deeks elaborated. 'I should have told you what was going on.'

'Yes, you should have.' Kensi agreed. 'Does that mean you're going to?'

'Eventually.' Deeks sighed.

'Deeks...' Kensi insisted. 'What is so bad that you can't trust me with it?'

'I told you, I do trust you.' Deeks frowned. He lowered his gaze, but didn't lift it to meet hers. 'It's not that. I don't...It's not easy for me to talk about. I was in a dark place then. When I shot my father, I thought that's the worse that could happen. I was wrong.'

'But you are going to tell me, right?' Kensi pressed.

'Yeah.' Deeks nodded, his eyes searching for the sight of the ocean once again. 'Eventually.'

'Okay.' Kensi said, knowing it was a place to start. 'I'm going to hold you to that.'

'I know.' Deeks cracked a smile.

'Deeks, can I ask you something?' Kensi was unsure why she suddenly wanted his permission first, as normally she'd just blurt it out. She blamed it on the strange atmosphere of the veranda where they were surrounded by the cool night air.

'That, by definition, is asking me something.' Deeks stated cheekily. 'But sure, you can ask me something else. Since when do you even have to ask to ask me something?'

'When you look at the ocean, what do you see?' Kensi hurriedly questioned before she had the chance to change her mind.

She chose to ignore his quips for now.

'I don't know.' Deeks shrugged. 'It's just water.'

'Not when you're surfing. You tame it.' Kensi added, confused. 'When you stare at it, like you are now, there's something else. It's not just water to you.'

'You don't tame the ocean, Kens. You either fight it, and lose – or you become one with it, and be free.' Deeks answered. 'When I'm out there, I can't control it – I can only control myself. It helps me focus.'

Kensi looked to the watery horizon again. It made sense to her. It explained what he felt attached to with the ocean, but also why she hadn't been able to achieve the same level of taming he did. It had nothing to do with skill – it was control.

Kensi hated not being in control of something, anything, that could overpower her.

'It's getting late.' Kensi sighed. 'Are you going to be out here long?'

'No.' Deeks said without consideration. 'I'm still thinking.'

'About us.' Kensi echoed nervously. 'Uh huh, okay. I'll wait up for you.'

She turned to leave, but only made it as far as the door before he finally shifted to face her.

'Kens?'

She turned back, wincing at the discomfort the twisting motion caused her, and met his eyes. They were usually bright blue, like the ocean under a shining sun, but in the same shadows and moonlight that showered the outdoors, Deeks' eyes had taken on a more hypnotic shade. Kensi was mesmerised; even in the poor light she could make out the emotions his gaze carried to her own.

It made her very anxious.

'Why do you do that?' Deeks asked.

'Do what?' Kensi frowned with underlying denial.

'Run away.'

'I don't run away.' She scoffed, and rolled her eyes. 'You don't scare me, Deeks.'

'Not from me.' Deeks creased his expression, showing he was trying to understand the meaning behind her behaviours as much as she tried to decipher his fascination with the ocean. 'From us.'

Kensi didn't answer.

She exhaled, and broke their shared looks. Clearing her throat, she could only shrug and resume her intention to leave him to his thoughts. Lenore had forgotten to mention that not only was Deeks calmest while watching the ocean, he was also most contemplative. Kensi berated herself; she was already sharply aware of the fact. She had unknowingly walked onto the veranda to potentially place herself in a situation she was not ready to deal with, yet one she could have prevented.

'We never talk about it.' Deeks continued. 'Not once. Not really.'

'Some people are better with words than others.' Kensi frowned.

'You still haven't answered my question.' Deeks said.

He wasn't pushing, but he didn't back down either. He'd let the matter drop too many times when she backed away, and he wasn't about to do it again. Not on this night.

'Why are you running away?'

Kensi met his eyes again, seeing his curiosity and patience in a way she hadn't expected. She realised he wasn't looking to talk about it right then, merely asking why she never does talk about it. Kensi wanted to, she truly did, and yet the right words never came to her. She struggled to say what she felt, because she still wasn't entirely certain what she was feeling. She knew enough for her mind, but not for her words.

Watching Deeks, Kensi knew she had to give him something. It wasn't fair not to. She decided anything she said had to be the truth, and it had to keep their pace at a level she was comfortable with – a level she could control.

Oddly enough, when she stopped fighting ways to avoid the answer, suddenly she was able to give him one.

'To see if you'll follow.'

Kensi left him with those words, having surprised herself by the truth in them, and re-entered the house.

Lenore watched her, with a knowing smile on her lips, as Kensi passed by. The older woman reached across to the coffee table for the television remote, and dulled down the volume. As she had expected - the door opened, and her son joined her.

'Tell Mama everything.' Lenore encouraged, patting the space of sofa beside her.

'I'm fine, Ma.' Deeks sighed, though he sank into the space regardless. 'It's been a busy day.'

'Which goes against all the unspoken rules of a Saturday.' Lenore grumbled. 'Here I was, thinking I could sit on my lazy butt all day watching Judge Judy, then my son shows up with his girl and tells me we're heading off on some holiday that might get us killed.'

'Pretty much.' Deeks chuckled, then faltered. 'I'm sorry, Ma. I wish-'

'I know.' Lenore nodded, rubbing his arm. 'Are you happy, Marty? Does she make you happy?'

'Yeah.' Deeks confirmed, looking towards the bedroom door Kensi had vanished behind. 'I kept my promise, Ma.'

'My mind's not as bright as it used to be.' Lenore sighed. 'Remind me, which promise was it? You made so many.'

Deeks frowned at her words; he had made her a lot of promises over the years. He didn't want to work out how many of those he'd actually kept.

'You told me, when I was a kid, that I could date as many girls I wanted - but if I were to marry, she had to be someone special.' Deeks recalled. 'You made me promise to marry my accomplice, therapist, and prankster – all in one. You told me that's what a best friend is.'

'Ah, yes. I believed there was no better love than that of a best friend.' Lenore acknowledged. 'Is Kensi all of those things, Son?'

'She's more.' Deeks admitted.

'Does she know?'

Deeks paused, warning bells going off in his mind, as he looked over his mother's face. She was oddly hard to read, and he wondered when she had obtained such a finely-tuned skill.

'We're engaged, Ma.' Deeks stated carefully. 'Of course she knows.'

Lenore watched him with an expression Deeks wasn't familiar with. He could tell many things were going through her mind, but never had the chance to hear any of it when a sound behind them broke the moment. The only thing he caught was a whispered phrase his mother said, and Deeks didn't quite understand the meaning behind it.

'To think I was just telling Kensi earlier about how smart you were.'

Gabe descended the stairs, glancing at the pair on his way to the kitchen. He filled a glass of water and sipped, watching as Kensi emerge from the bedroom.

'Ah, good.' Lenore rose from the sofa.

She switched off the television and gestured for the other two to come over. Gabe sighed, and put the glass in the sink before approaching. Kensi fidgeted at first, then walked to Deeks' side.

The moment Deeks glanced at her, all concern about what his mother had to say was washed momentarily from his mind. He took in her appearance, and politely averted his gaze. A smirk spread over his face, and he made no effort to hide it. She was dressed in ankle-length blue pyjama pants, but what caught his attention was her shirt. Regardless of having stealthily left the house earlier to pack her own clothes - there she stood, in one of his shirts.

'While you're all here, listen up.' Lenore insisted. 'I have some rules about our stay here. If you don't like them – I'm going home.'

Deeks tensed; he knew his mother meant her words. She rarely made any sort of threat, causing him to dread what rules she had in mind.

He glanced at Gabe, but the dark-skinned man merely rolled his eyes without any hint of actual worry. Deeks didn't look at Kensi, lest he be distracted again, but leaned slightly to her when she rested her chin on his shoulder. He knew it was for their act as an engaged couple, but Deeks didn't feel as though he was acting when he instinctively wrapped an arm safely around her waist.

'No one can raise their voice in any form of anger.' Lenore told them. 'Never.'

'Okay.' Deeks was secretly a bit relieved.

It had been a long time since he'd flinched at elevated tones or directed anger. Being a cop had put him in a variety of situations, all which enabled him to overcome certain triggers from his past. It was always different when his mother was there. He didn't care about himself – he was worried about her. Deeks considered it his job to protect his mother, in any way possible.

'There will be no consumption of alcohol by anyone who has a gun.' Lenore looked accusingly around at all of them. She was aware of being the only person in the house who didn't have a gun attached to her hip for most hours of the day.

Ironically, she was also the only person who didn't touch alcohol, regardless.

'I can live with that.' Kensi nodded. She would miss her movie and beer nights with Deeks, which had become a frequent occurrence the past several months, but she understood why the rule was in place.

Kensi glanced at Deeks, wondering what he was thinking.

'Even me?' Deeks stared directly at his mother. The rule was about her distrust and hatred for the disastrous combination of alcohol and violence, which they'd witnessed in their lives.

She just wanted to feel safe, and know everyone was in control. He wondered if she trusted him – he was her son, and he'd only ever tried to protect her. However, the look on her face when she'd seen he had his own service weapon, earlier that day, sank deep in his mind. Deeks was testing her, to see if there were any lingering consequences of what he'd done when he was eleven – in the eyes of his mother.

Lenore looked at him straight in the eyes, and Deeks almost felt the chill of her icy-coloured stare. She looked like she was trying to see into his mind, and Deeks knew she might not like what she saw. He didn't realise exactly what she kept picturing in her own mind. Lenore stared at her grown son, yet all she could see was her eleven-year-old boy shooting a man with shocking accuracy and force.

The image still haunted her, every day.

'Yes.' Lenore finally answered. 'Even you, Marty.'

'Okay.' Deeks answered automatically, breaking eye contact.

Kensi was the only one still watching him, therefore the only person to see the hurt pooling in his eyes from his mother's words. Despite her understanding of the suffering Lenore had been through, and any respect she had for the woman who brought Deeks into the world, Kensi was furious. She kept her gaze lowered to hide it, but Kensi felt herself liking the older woman a little less. How could she possibly worry that Deeks, of all people, would ever lose control enough to hurt someone he cared about?

It made Kensi sick to think his own mother didn't trust him.

'Is that all?' Kensi asked, wincing when her voice sounded rather snappish.

Deeks tensed beside her, and glanced in her direction. Her annoyance was overlooked by the others, but Deeks saw it. Somehow, it managed to calm him enough to lift his gaze.

'Yes.' Lenore nodded.

'I have a rule too.' Gabe added, having remained quiet and non-reactive until then. 'Nobody leaves the house alone. We must know where everyone is at all times.' He watched Kensi as he spoke.

'Think you can handle that, Sugarbear?' Deeks teased.

'Yeah.' Kensi nodded, offering Deeks a glare.

'If that's all, I'd like to get some rest.' Gabe sighed, turning to head for the stairs. 'Good night.'

'Sleep well.' Lenore added, patting Marty on the cheek. She smiled fondly at him, then offered Kensi a smile, as the older woman made her way to the stairs with the intention of showering and getting some sleep too.

With the others out of sight, Kensi stepped away from Deeks and walked to the bedroom they were to share. He watched her, then hung his head, and tailed behind her. Stepping into the room, Deeks shut the door behind himself with his mind still filled with questions he hadn't voiced earlier. He looked over at Kensi; she stood beside her claimed side of the bed, and had her arms crossed defensively over her chest.

'How did you sneak out?' Deeks wanted to know.

'I...' Kensi faltered, looking away.

She didn't want to admit it. She knew the sort of things he could reply with, each which would add another dent to her pride. Kensi let her arms drop to her sides, and sighed.

'The window.' She pointed.

Deeks followed her indication to the window between her side of the bed and slide-open wardrobe. Immediately, a grin of amusement formed on his face.

'Really? You climbed out the window like a teenager sneaking off for a secret date?' He chuckled. 'Should I be jealous?'

'Shut up.' Kensi rolled her eyes.

Her retort ended there, as she remembered doing exactly what he'd said when she was fifteen – on the night her father had been killed.

'You know, I did say we could pick up some things tomorrow. Is one night without a change of clothes really that bad?' He glanced her over. 'You seem more than comfortable in my shirt.'

Kensi, despite all her struggles, could not prevent the light blush on her cheeks. She didn't tell him it wasn't even the same shirt she'd stolen earlier – which was still stashed away underneath her pillow.

'I'm a girl, Deeks. I need clean clothes.' Kensi frowned. 'But that's not why I did it. You said to assume every move we make is being watched. How would it look for our cover if we made it obvious we don't live together?' She explained with annoyance, feeling Deeks should have already figured that out.

She tried to deny the fact it was clear his priorities rested primarily on protecting her and his mother, above all else.

Deeks watched Kensi for a moment and thought about her words. He glanced away and nodded, surprising her by his response.

'You're right.' He stated honestly, breaking the tension. 'Gabe would agree. If you said something, you could have used the front door.' Deeks said slyly.

'Yeah, right.' Kensi scoffed. 'I can't expect you to have the same restraint I did when you walked out the door.'

'I had back-up.' Deeks pointed out in his own defense.

'So you or Gabe would just let me walk out the front door on my own?' Kensi raised an eyebrow.

'Not alone.' Deeks admitted.

'Deeks.' Kensi took a step forward, her irritation plain on her face. 'I can take care of myself.'

'Apparently not.' Deeks lowered his blue gaze to her concealed side, knowing she was still hurting. She tried to hide her winces, but he saw them. And each time he felt a light stab of guilt for not being there to have her back.

'It was my fault.' Kensi threw him off-kilter this time. 'I made it back, but I didn't pay enough attention. I was grabbed from behind.'

'By who?' Deeks asked, surprised she was actually telling him what happened. He wondered what had changed; he knew it couldn't be easy for her to admit she'd made a mistake like that.

He was not calmed to realise if he had been there, he certainly would have been able to help prevent what happened.

'I don't know.' Kensi averted her gaze. 'The psycho.'

'He-?' Deeks hissed through his teeth to withhold anything he'd been about to say.

He turned around, and ran his hand through his hair - something she knew Deeks did when he was stressed. Kensi glanced at the time and wondered how she could shift the mood of the room – it was clear to her that he was trying to suppress his fury. Kensi regretted telling him anything regarding her injury right before bed, and decided this time she would be the one to change the situation to something lighter.

'Hey, can we put it aside for tonight?' Kensi asked, watching as his shoulders relaxed only slightly at her words. 'There's plenty of time tomorrow.'

'He knows we're here.' Deeks turned around.

She could see he was trying to appear calmer than he was, and didn't comment. She knew when to call him out on it, and when to brush over it for him.

'How do you know we're safe for tonight?' Deeks was surprised; surely Kensi wasn't saying they should forget about the danger for one night, in favour of sleep?

'I don't think this place was ever meant to be safe.' Kensi stepped closer, watching his gaze carefully as she voiced some of her suspicions. 'You knew we'd be followed, watched, and in danger the entire time. You and the creep both said that as long as we stay out of his way, we'll be left alone.'

'And you could really do that?' Deeks asked sceptically. 'You could stay out of the way?'

'Hell no.' Kensi frowned with offence. 'Next time I'll be quicker on the trigger.'

'And there it is.' Deeks sighed, fretting again.

Kensi figured she needed another tactic to distract him. If she didn't act now, Deeks wouldn't be able to sleep with his anxieties of trying to do more than one person could – and it would keep her awake. After an hour or two, Kensi would probably break Lenore's rules of not raising their voice in anger, which would surely wake her and Gabe as well.

The way Kensi saw it – if Deeks didn't sleep tonight...No one did.

'Would you shower already, Stinky?' Kensi teased, walking into the bathroom.

She grabbed a soft, yellow towel from the cupboard while he answered.

'I do _not_ stink!' Deeks whined. He sniffed his shirt just in case, and knew she was just messing with him. 'See? I-' His words were cut off by the towel she'd thrown in his face.

Pulling it off, he felt his mood lighten when he looked over at her smirking expression.

'Really?' He chuckled.

'You will stink if you don't hurry up and shower.' Kensi told him matter-of-factly. She returned to the bathroom, which sparked a curiosity within Deeks that he couldn't ignore.

Kensi had told him to shower, but she hadn't left the bathroom herself.

'You want to join me, Fern?' Deeks smirked, gripping his towel.

Despite his tease, he wasn't sure what her intentions were. He didn't know if he was supposed to join her or it she was still merely trying to befuddle him.

'Don't call me Fern.' Came her grumbled reply, though it sounded different.

Deeks rounded the corner into the bathroom, and sighed when he saw she was only brushing her teeth in front of the mirror. Kensi watched him through the reflective glass; her eyes showed how smug she was in knowing exactly where his mind had wandered. Spitting into the sink, and rinsing, Kensi turned around to face him. She was briefly startled to see how much closer he'd moved in the short time it took for her to rinse her toothbrush and put it into its holder.

'What if I need help reaching my back?' Deeks continued their little game.

'Just have your shower.' Kensi rolled her eyes, moving to walk by him.

She was not expecting Deeks to block her path, preventing her from leaving the room. She aimed him a glare, which quickly faded when she saw the serious look on his face. She saw his turmoil and gratitude, knowing he never had to voice any of it for her to understand.

'It's okay.' Kensi nodded. 'I know.'

Deeks felt guilty for not being there to back her up when she'd been hurt, though Kensi stubbornly refused to acknowledge she _needed_ any help - it had been her own fault for slipping focus, that's all. Deeks was thankful for her telling him some of what happened, and for her attempts to change the thickness in the room. It was something he usually did, but that didn't mean she couldn't.

Kensi didn't tell him it was a skill she'd only truly learned after being partnered with him.

'Last chance to join me.' Deeks said with a teasing smile.

'I've had my shower.' Kensi replied. She knew it would get more of a reaction from him than simply punching his arm and walking out of the room.

'What if you hadn't?' Deeks asked.

Kensi could not help herself.

It was so obvious to her that she had the upper-hand. It was too tempting; she couldn't simply walk away. She placed a hand on his chest, while the other rested against his cheek. He watched her with uncertainty and anticipation, while Kensi raised towards his face. Her intent to kiss his cheek was disrupted by a shoot of pain in her side.

Wincing, Kensi pulled back and bit her lip.

'Kens?'

'I'm okay.' Kensi said, looking at the tiled floor at their feet. 'I just moved the wrong way.'

'May I?' Deeks asked quietly, raising his hand toward her (correction: his) shirt.

Kensi nodded, watching as he lifted the material over her hip. She held her breath for a moment, feeling the spark of contact of his hand against her side. She berated herself for it, as Deeks now had the control of the moment. Kensi tried to remind herself they'd already had this moment; standing in the bathroom while he checked her wound, but it was different somehow. He was much closer, and facing her. She could feel his breath on her hair, though any sound of it was drowned out by the rhythm of her own heartbeat.

'It looks okay.' Deeks said. 'I mean, it's purple and looks sore, but it should heal well.'

'I'll live.' Kensi managed to say.

'I should have been there.' He frowned.

'Deeks.' Kensi warned. 'Don't go there.'

'Kens...'

His hand slipped from the shirt, letting the material fall back over her hip. Kensi frowned at the broken contact, and didn't agree with the way he hung his head with guilt.

Their game was dropped entirely, yet Kensi approached him in the same way she had a moment ago.

'Deeks.' She repeated, placing her hand on his forearm to get his attention. 'I am not kidding. It was one guy. He didn't even have a weapon until he stole my gun.'

Deeks looked at her with surprise. She could see he was trying to figure out how she'd been overpowered, and injured, against one unarmed man. Until his expression clouded, and he remembered _who_ that psycho man was. Kensi decided not to tell him about the threat made against her. If Deeks had been there, she was now certain things could have gone a lot worse.

'It's a bruise, Deeks.' Kensi said. 'I'll be fine. If you want to blame yourself for something, make it for how unprepared I was. I'm not now.'

'What do you mean?' Deeks asked. _What did she know?_

'Have your shower.' Kensi dismissed the topic. 'Just stop beating yourself up. That's my job.' She tried to smile, although she didn't move away. Her hand stayed on his forearm, sending shivers through her arm. She hoped he couldn't feel it, though the way he stared at her suggested otherwise.

Kensi, gazing into his oceanic blue eyes, had a moment of sudden realisation.

'I understand now.' She said. 'The surfing. The waves. Why it calms you. I want you to promise you'll go surfing tomorrow. You need it.'

'There are other ways.' Deeks said cheekily.

'You wish.' Kensi rolled her eyes.

In desire to reclaim the upper-hand, and feel some release for the electricity she felt spreading through her at their close proximity, Kensi ignored the pain in her side as she leaned towards him again. She slowly, and gently, placed a kiss to his cheek. She inched back, her gaze lowering to his lips. It was so tempting. She felt his hand instinctively rest on her hip, mindful of her injury, and knew it would be so easy to give in to the fire flickering inside her.

Kensi inhaled and moved away, feeling the chill of their broken contact.

'Maybe one day.' She winked and walked out of the room, shutting the bathroom door on her way back to their bedroom.

Even though the moment hadn't ended the way he'd wanted, Deeks could not help the smile that crossed his face when she departed. Knowingly or not, Kensi had just given Deeks something to hope and aim for. And, oddly enough, Deeks reconsidered something his mother had told him earlier about best friends and how Kensi was so much more.

Maybe it was time for Kensi to know...Everything?


	7. Heartbeat

**Author's Notes: **Blame, I mean, Thank G for this update. It was one of the easier ones for me to write so far, and I'd planned it for a while, but I had mixed feelings at first. She was able to threaten, I mean, encourage me to update this right away once I'd completed it. Enjoy!

* * *

**~ Heartbeat ~**

Kensi lay on her back, staring upwards at the moon-illuminated ceiling of the bedroom.

She'd switched off the lights prior to getting into bed; not wanting to stretch towards the lamp when she was already laying down underneath the covers. She'd argue she was comfortable, but it was more to do with her injury. It didn't hurt as much as it had several hours ago, though it continued to bother Kensi whenever she moved. She was wary about her position, as the mattress pressed against her back, but it was just soft enough for her to ignore it.

Kensi had a lot on her mind. She kept replaying certain moments through her head, and none of them were reassuring. Some flickered through her mind too quickly for her to properly grasp, and others lingered as she struggled to push them away. There was harsh things, like the image of Deeks strapped to the chair with blood oozing from his mouth, and just plain confusing things - such as their shared moment on the veranda earlier. Everything in between was jumbled out of order, stirring her uncertainty and fear.

It made her irritable and restless.

The figure navigating the dimly-lit room, and the pressure on the mattress, brought Kensi from her troubling thoughts. She exhaled a sense of momentary calm when his scent filled her nostrils, until she realised why. Glancing to her side, she saw Deeks was arranged rather close to her. She fought against the opposite urges to push him away, or pull him closer.

'Does it hurt?'

His voice was barely a whisper, but that's not why Kensi wasn't sure what he'd asked her. She'd heard his words, yet the meaning could go in so many directions. Kensi assumed he meant her injury, as there was no way he could know what was circling through her mind in that moment.

Then again, Deeks did have an annoying way of reading her thoughts when she least permitted it.

'I'll live.' Kensi answered stubbornly, using the same words she had earlier.

'Kens.' Deeks sighed, shifting to lie on his back as well. Unlike her, his gaze did not stare straight upwards – he titled his head to the side to watch her, though the moonlight only revealed so much.

She had her walls up, he knew. Anyone who tried to get near Kensi could see the solid brick wall she'd formed around herself like a force field. Deeks, however, knew the wall was transparent to him. It was still a solid barrier between them, but he could see beyond it. See, but not touch. He also wondered how the moment in the bathroom minutes ago had somehow led to the closed-off avoidance he was now faced with.

He was about to question it, when he heard her sigh. Deeks realised she was thinking about something, and with everything that had gone on lately – Kensi's deep thinking was not a good sign.

'Yes.' Kensi surprised him, though it sounded forced. 'Yes, it hurts. I'll live.'

Deeks didn't answer, just nodded.

He expected the silence to continue, until yet again Kensi remained rather unpredictable. It reminded him of the moment on the veranda, and he was left wondering what had suddenly motivated her to open up. Her willingness to do so wasn't like a spacious doorway, but at least it wasn't locked shut.

'It's ridiculous.' Kensi grumbled. 'I've been shot, stabbed, knocked out before...This hurts. More than it should. I can't even get comfortable.'

'You're only human.' He reminded her.

'Yeah.' Kensi scoffed.

What she didn't tell him was how she felt she was being punished. She _had_ been through a lot worse and kept going. It bothered her, but didn't slow her down. Whereas this injury not only slowed her pace, but often brought her to a complete standstill. Was she weaker now than she was a year ago? She'd been on high alert, yet the psycho had sneaked up on her and taken her weapon. He could have shot her then, and Kensi shuddered at the realisation that she might not have been able to stop him. Her mistake could have robbed her of ever getting another chance to find the words she needed to say.

It could have cost Deeks so much more.

'He could have killed me.' Kensi spoke aloud, then berated herself for the slip.

It was too late, though, and she couldn't feel too regretful of her words when Deeks moved closer. She could feel his legs against hers, and his breath near her pillow.

'Why didn't he?' Deeks' voice was low, and wavered with emotion she didn't want to decipher.

Kensi looked at him, and wished she'd left the topic alone. She wanted to banter playfully with Deeks, like they had in the bathroom, so they could get some sleep. Secretly, Kensi didn't want to sleep at all. Her mind was too concentrated on all the times she could have lost the man laying beside her. Her partner, her best friend, her...

'He was messing with me.' Kensi frowned.

'It's what he's best at.' Deeks sighed heavily.

'We should sleep.' Kensi said suddenly.

'Kensi-'

'No.' She shook her head, rolling over to face away from him.

A burst of pain spread through her, and she barely contained her gasp, but she was determined to veer away from the subject. Kensi shouldn't have been surprised when he didn't comply to her stubborn insisting.

'Tell me how he hurt you.'

'Deeks.' Kensi warned. 'I'm tired.'

'Kens, please.' His voice sounded strange, sad even, and she wasn't sure why he wanted to know. It would only make him feel more guilty, and her embarrassed.

'He grabbed me.' Kensi said through clenched teeth, keeping her back to him. She couldn't believe how she'd been so easily overpowered by one man, and to vocally admit it took all of her strength to say. 'Pushed me to the ground. He aimed _my gun_ at me. Pulled my hair. Then he punched me.'

Deeks could tell it was hard for her to admit those things, perhaps even harder than she was letting on through her tense posture and angered tone. And yet, she had said it. Deeks wondered why, as he had no expected her to. A bubble of hope formed in his pit of darkness and fear. At the same time, Deeks almost wished she hadn't told him what he believed he could have prevented.

'What did he look like?'

'Tanned, tattooed.' Kensi shrugged. 'Can we drop it, now?'

Deeks knew she was on the verge of shutting him out entirely, probably with a punch to the arm as well, but he couldn't get the images out of his head. He couldn't let it go.

'It was him.' Deeks confirmed. 'Ivan Antonio.'

Kensi would have turned to face him when the name of the "psycho" was revealed to her, but there was something she was even more aware of. Deeks' hand had wandered to her side, tracing where he knew the injury was. He didn't touch it directly, in clear caution of hurting her, yet his touch left a burn against her skin. It wasn't painful, but she almost wished it was.

'Ivan Antonio.' Kensi repeated. 'What happened, Deeks?'

This time she moved over to face him, though he didn't break contact. She couldn't see his features too clearly, as the moonlight wasn't directly on his face, though Kensi saw enough to notice the internal struggle he fought. He didn't answer and, despite how hypocritical she knew it was, Kensi didn't want him to pull away or close off.

'Deeks?' She took a chance. Sliding closer to him, Kensi slowly trailed her hand over his plain shirt, resting her fingers at his collar.

He watched her, no doubt trying to determine her intentions, and sighed.

'He...' Deeks paused again. 'He scares the hell outta me, Kens.'

'Even more than me?' She tried to joke. Kensi was relieved when he chuckled – it sounded a bit hollow, but wasn't forced. 'Just tell me why he wants to hurt you. Which he's not going to – no one hurts my partner, but me.'

'Partner.' Deeks muttered, looking away.

Kensi bit her lip, thinking she'd said the wrong thing. The truth was harder, and would open up a much bigger range of issues to be discussed.

'My best friend.' Kensi tried again. 'My...Deeks.'

'Possessive, much?' Deeks deflected with humour, though she hadn't missed the nervous hitch in his breath at her words.

'Tell me.' Kensi encouraged, pressing her cheek to his shoulder.

She knew they were on dangerous grounds, with the close proximity of their bodies, but when her words failed Kensi knew actions would have to speak for her. Deeks still had his hand at her hip, and gently rubbed her thigh. Kensi expected the electric jolt to spread through her at his intimate touch, but instead it only spread warmth. They lay in bed, under the glow of the moonlight, and were basically pressed against each other in an embrace – and yet, there was nothing sexual about it at all.

It felt comfortable, soothing, and...Right.

'Ray and I were in similar situations growing up.' Deeks started. She didn't understand where he was going with the beginning, but remained quiet to let him continue. 'He was older; I was less protected, I guess. I don't know. He knew things were going to get worse - Ray gave me a gun. He told me if I had to use it, then use it. I didn't think I could.'

'But you did.' Kensi said quietly, tracing circles at the collar of his shirt.

'Yeah, I did.' Deeks frowned. 'I shot my father. Gabe showed up. Everything was chaos. I got blamed, but Gabe helped clear me. I owe him more than I can repay, but I'll never stop trying.'

'Where does Ivan Antonio fit in?' Kensi wanted to know.

'I never thought about it until a year later.' Deeks said, as if he hadn't heard her. 'I never questioned it. I should have. Damn, I should have.'

'Questioned what?' Kensi moved her hand over where his heart was, hearing and feeling the erratic pace of his heartbeats. He didn't move an inch, other than to continue tracing his hand over her thigh, but his heart pounded as though he was running a mile.

'Where Ray got the gun.' Deeks finally said. 'I never told anyone I got it from Ray. I said I found it in a dumpster, and they believed me. Well, mostly. The gun was Ivan Antonio's, but his prints weren't on it. His brother's were.'

'And he got arrested?' Kensi guessed.

'Yeah. Antonio was so pissed. He blamed me for getting his little brother sent to jail.' Deeks scoffed. 'He made sure I knew it too.'

'What did he do?' Kensi frowned, tilting her head back to look at him.

His face was damp, and it broke her heart to see him in pain again. Personally, she didn't understand how what he'd said so far could have scared or upset Deeks so profoundly. Kensi knew there was more to the story, and didn't push. Upon hearing his heart race, and seeing the hurt on his face, Kensi decided she didn't want to know anymore.

'Ivan Antonio knows how to mess with people. Really mess with them.' Deeks repeated. 'I was just a kid.'

He left it at that, which Kensi accepted.

She returned to her intentions to sleep, feeling tired, and didn't dare to check what time it was. She made Deeks promise earlier than he'd go for a surf in the morning, so he needed sleep more than she did if he was going to get up what she considered to be the inhumane hours of the day. Kensi thought the moment was over, and they would shift apart to attempt rest.

She was wrong.

'I never told anyone before.' Deeks admitted. 'Gabe found out on his own.'

'And I appreciate it.' Kensi said, wishing she had the bravery he did to share such things.

She had so much to say to him, but it never passed her lips. It was frustrating, and Kensi knew the time would come where she would have to either say them, or potentially lose him. Once again, where words could not help, she could use actions – except, Kensi wasn't sure what to do. The moment was already more intimate than she was comfortable with, but all she could focus on was his pain.

He had trusted her with something so raw, and Kensi felt ashamed to not be able to handle it properly.

Deeks, however, knew what he needed and took a huge chance. He drew her nearer to hug Kensi against him, his arms encircling around her, as he pressed his face to her hair. Kensi responded by wrapping her arms around him, and inhaled his scent. Her mind panicked, telling her this was dangerous, but she couldn't find the strength to listen. It scared her, beyond everything, how much she _needed_ him. Standing close to him on the veranda had been more frightening than being swept into his arms, and Kensi could not grasp any level of understanding why – beyond her _need_ for the closeness.

It was in that moment Kensi finally realised the full extent of the truth.

A sharp gasp escaped her lips, and Deeks instantly pulled back. Kensi let him, but didn't move away.

'Kens?' Deeks asked, thinking he'd hurt her.

'No.' Kensi shook her head, but the sentence fell unfinished.

'Sorry.' The hurt in his tone, as he pulled away entirely, almost shattered every wall she had carefully crafted around herself over the years since her father's death.

He thought she was rejecting him; that he'd misread her signals somewhere along the line.

'No-' Kensi said again, then hissed. This time it was the sharp pain in her side, but she ignored it. 'Deeks, I didn't mean...Damnit!' She growled, flopping onto her back in frustration.

In her irritated state, brought on by her own inability to get her words straight, Kensi was struck with a sudden idea. She should kiss him. It flitted through her mind, and Kensi rudely shoved it out. It was one action her words had to predate. Saying her feelings was a risk she wanted to find the bravery to take, but kissing him...No matter how badly she wanted to feel his lips against hers again, Kensi was too afraid to put her entire heart into a single action. A small part of her mind, which sounded suspiciously like her younger self, reminded her that she owed Deeks as much.

He had done it, so why couldn't she?

'Deeks.' Kensi spoke again, moving towards him. It anguished her that he wouldn't look at her now. 'That's not what I meant. I don't want to mess this up.'

'This?' He repeated, sounding wary.

'Yes. This.' Kensi moved closer, hoping he wasn't going to push her away. 'Let's get some sleep, okay?'

Kensi leaned to press a kiss to his cheek, allowing her eyes to meld into his. He stared back at her, confused, and Kensi tried to offer him a smile she hoped would have an ounce of reassurance in it, without her fear. She pressed her cheek to his chest again, and felt his arms slowly snake around her. He sighed, and a silence filled the bedroom. There was nothing more to say in that moment, despite all the thoughts running through their minds.

Entwined in each others arms, both Kensi and Deeks soon succumbed to sleep.

* * *

It sun hadn't even breeched the horizon when Kensi couldn't take it anymore.

She disentangled herself from Deeks and slipped out of bed. He grunted with disagreement, but didn't wake. Kensi headed to the bathroom, and grabbed the sink with both hands. She stared at her reflection, though there was scarcely any light to see her face properly. Gasping, she turned and left the bedroom entirely.

Kensi had woken a few times during the night. Each time was because of Deeks. Firstly, he'd had a nightmare a simple kiss to his cheek had resolved. Second and thirdly, Kensi's own nightmares brought her from the much-needed slumber. Deeks had stirred both times, but was so sleepy he merely pulled her closer and kissed her shoulder before dozing off again.

Now, Kensi stood just outside the bedroom to face the wide space of the beach house. The sun was yet to rise, but the sky outside was lightened with colour. It should have looked peaceful, but instead Kensi recoiled from the abandoned eeriness of the house.

She glanced at the kitchen, where the framed photo of herself and Deeks rested on a shelf, and made a beeline for the veranda. Stepping outside, into the cool morning breeze, Kensi wrapped her arms around herself and exhaled a long breath. The sight of the blue ocean sparkling with near-sunrise was stunning, and it begun to ease her nerves. Her mind was trying to torture her, she was certain.

She was being punished, Kensi believed, for all the times she'd run away.

That's what plagued her mind all night; the moments she should have said something, but hadn't. When she could have done something, but didn't. Kensi felt she did not deserve Deeks. She didn't admit when someone was better than her, yet she could not deny that he was much braver than she was. Her own voice haunted her, as she'd told him off for never saying what he means. She flashed through all the moments he'd done or said something that was too close for her, too meaningful, and she'd left. Sometimes, intentionally; others, she had a job to do.

Kensi raked her hand through her wavy hair, and bit her lip. When he'd been tortured, Kensi promised herself she wouldn't let him slip away again - more importantly, she wouldn't push him away. All she needed was the right words. There were sheets of paper at her place with half-formed lists she'd tried to write; trying desperately to fill in the blanks with something meaningful that would reveal her inner feelings and thoughts. But Kensi wasn't like that – she couldn't let go of her protective shields long enough to form the phrases he needed to hear. Kensi still had trouble working out exactly _what_ she was trying to say.

It was confusing, and often gave her a headache, but now it was solely frustrating.

Kensi felt her failure to form words was her was of letting him down. She'd left him, so many times, and yet he had the courage to follow her. She ran away to see if he would follow, and the click of the opening door behind her only sent her into another round of guilt.

He'd never left her, like she'd left him.

'Hey.' Deeks' sleepy voice reached her ears. 'Ma is watching.' He added informally, his arms curling around her waist from behind.

He softly pressed a kiss to her neck, causing a shiver to course through her, then placed another against her jaw. Kensi didn't care if the whole world was watching, or no one at all, as she leaned back against his chest and sighed. She wanted to pull away, reminding herself deserve his affection. She didn't deserve his loyalty, or comfort. Deeks was everything she'd ever wanted, and Kensi was equally afraid of reaching out to grab it, as much as she was of letting it slip through her fingers.

'Kens?' Deeks felt her tensed form, and the way she didn't turn to look at him.

She hadn't even greeted him. Deeks could tell, though she allowed his touch, that right then Kensi held no concern at all for their act as an engaged couple.

'You okay?'

'I'm sorry, Deeks.' Kensi said, looking downwards at her hands. She caught sight of his own around her stomach, and squirmed.

'For what?' He was utterly confused, and Kensi couldn't take it any longer.

She swerved around in his arms, mildly annoyed when he didn't let her go, and fixed him with a fiery look. He flinched, mostly from surprise, but stood strong. If she wanted him to let go, truly, than Deeks had no doubt she'd have made that clear. All he saw was turmoil in her stormy brown eyes, and was at loss of what he was meant to say.

'Why did you kiss me?'

Her question hit him hard.

Deeks withdrew his hands with a sigh, and glanced over his shoulder to check his mother had wandered to the kitchen, then looked back at Kensi.

'Ma was-'

'Not now.' Kensi interrupted. 'You know when I mean, Deeks. _Why _did you kiss me?'

Deeks took a step back, and an expression of annoyance crossed over his face. Kensi thought she'd pushed too far, but she had to know. She _needed_ to know, in his own words, in hope she could find her own.

'I thought it was obvious.' Deeks said, sounding exasperated. 'You practically dared me to!' He insisted, which was the truth.

He had wanted to, of course, but he'd assumed her constant nudging had been hints. Deeks thought she was trying to get him to take the first plunge, to put his heart out there so she could do the same. It hurt him to realise he may have misread the entire _thing _between them. If he had, Deeks did not know what he could do next. After everything, and the strength she provided for him to overcome his traumatic experience - Deeks did not think he could survive having her ripped away from him entirely.

'You're my partner.' Deeks continued, mimicking her words from the night before. 'My best friend. I thought...If I kissed you, then you'd know.'

'Know what?' Kensi prodded, barely above a whisper. She could see his agony, his tension, and yet she had to hear it. She had to know what it sounded like.

Kensi _had_ to know she wasn't wrong.

'That you're more than that.' Deeks exhaled, wishing their discussion wasn't happening mere minutes after he'd dragged himself out of bed. He was still recovering from waking to find her gone, fearing she'd run away again.

'I am?'

'What more can I say?' Deeks was cracking, Kensi could tell. He was frustrated, and let it show. Somehow, he managed to remain in control. 'Damnit, Kens. I kissed you, and you...You had nothing to say? Not even now?'

Kensi flinched at his words. They were harsher than he'd intended, yet his eyes held none of the anger. It was hurt, and rejection. It was fear. It was all the things she felt; all the things she tried to hide. He was letting her see it, so why couldn't she do the same? Why was she _still_ holding back?

He was giving her what she wanted, right?

'You won't even let me talk about it.' Deeks added. 'Do you not-?'

Kensi knew what he was about to ask, and couldn't bear to hear it. She stepped forward, and halted him with her grip. She had grasped his arm, needing some form of physical contact, and exhaled nervously. He didn't meet her eyes, as his posture of defeat told of the remaining words he hadn't said.

'How could you think-?' Kensi swallowed. She knew how he could think she didn't feel the same way, and it was entirely her fault. 'I tried. I just...I couldn't...'

'What are you saying?' Deeks threw back at her, with a patient tone she could never have mustered if the roles had been reversed.

'I have terrible communication skills.' Kensi slumped her shoulders in admittance.

His eyes finally met hers, and she was furthermore filled with anxiety. This was it. She had to tell him _something_ or else...She didn't want to think about the _"or else"_ of the situation.

'I got scared.' Kensi continued. 'Will you be patient? I just need to find the right words, that's all.'

She expected him to say he had been patient. Kensi considered all the harshly true words he could toss at her, but he wouldn't be Deeks if he had. She'd run away, and he followed. Maybe, just maybe, Deeks wasn't going to leave her like all the others had. Maybe, just maybe, she was okay with that. Kensi could trust him with that.

'Okay.' Deeks nodded.

'Okay.' Kensi replied, nodding.

It was good enough for him, but not for her.

Kensi realised his arms were still around her waist, never letting go. She bit her lip, and moved closer, watching him carefully as she reached to place her hands on either sides of his jaw. Staring into his oceanic gaze of trust and adoration, Kensi was shocked to find herself dropping her controlled barriers.

'Then you'll know...' Kensi said quietly, inching closer. 'The truth.'

The words flowed through her mind with sudden clarity, as desperately as she'd wanted them to, yet she didn't make any attempt to finally say what she'd been trying to say for months. Capturing his expression, while cupping his face so tenderly with her hands, Kensi understood words weren't always enough.

He stared back at her, understanding dawning on him, as a grin spread over his face.

Kensi felt her heart melt at the smile. She wasn't _dazzled_ at all, just _appreciative_ of how amazing it felt to have him smile at her like that. It gave her hope that everything could be be okay between them; she hadn't messed it up yet. Kensi closed the remaining distance between them, pressing her lips to his without hesitation. She closed her eyes, savouring the moment, until her worries resurfaced as she knew they would.

It had lasted less than two seconds, but Deeks overcame his shock much faster than she'd been able to months ago. He kissed her back, with the same nervous determination of their first kiss. Their first _real_ kiss before he'd been taken away by Sidorov.

Before he'd been taken away from her.

Deeks felt every ounce of worry and fear leave him, as he captured Kensi's mouth with his own. It was sweet, soft, and so many things no one would have thought to associate with BadAss Kensi Blye. Not him, though. He knew the truth in that one kiss.

All of it.

His arms curled around her tighter, still mindful of her injury, and hers looped around his neck. They parted for air, and Deeks could not stop grinning like an idiot. She looked at him with a shy smile, biting back the urge to scold him for looking so _ridiculously_ happy.

'Actions always do speak louder than words.' Deeks breathed, pressing his forehead to hers.

She could hear the heartbeats mingled with their breathing, but couldn't tell whose it was. Either one drowned out the other, or they were more evenly matched than she'd realised.

'It is enough?' Kensi wondered.

To answer her, Deeks leaned in again.

She met him halfway, and laced her fingers through strands of his messy early-morning mop of hair. His hand found her neck, tilting her slightly for a better angle, as he kissed her with more passion than a second earlier. She responded as willingly, and as naturally; never wanting to pull away. The fire in her belly warmed away her chilling fears, as if the sunrise now basking over their synced forms was lighting every sense in her body.

_It was enoug_h, he was telling her, _and so much more._

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**Author's Notes: **Feedback would be very much appreciated. Thanks for reading!


	8. Torn

**Author's Notes: **While this chapter did take longer to write than I'd planned, I still blame the busy time of year/s. I'm sorry to all my reviewers who I wasn't able to respond to before I put this chapter up, but know that you're all awesome and I am eternally thankful for every single one of you. Whenever I got stuck, I would read over my reviews. Also, thanks to every person who follows this story, favourite it, and continues to read it.

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**~ Torn ~**

Kensi leaned against the door-frame between the interiors of the house and the veranda outside the beach house. Her brown gaze looked to the distant waves of the ocean, knowing Deeks and Gabe were surfing them far away. She tried to pinpoint Deeks, but it was a little too far away to make out his blonde locks and blue eyes. The only form she could certainly identify was the smaller shape of Monty running back and forth in the shoreline.

Sighing, Kensi turned around to walk to the kitchen. Leaning against the counter, mindful of her injury, Kensi watched Lenore mixing batter in a large bowl.

'What's on your mind, Dear?' Lenore asked without looking up.

'Hm?' Kensi blinked. 'Oh. Nothing.' She shrugged, knowing she couldn't really discuss the earlier moment with anyone.

It wasn't as though it was a secret, as they were supposed to be acting like an engaged couple, but Kensi knew it was still too fresh. She had trouble focusing on anything other than her memory of Deeks' lips against hers, the way they'd finally spoken at least part of what needed to be said, and the realisation that they truly were on the same ground. Kensi felt her heartbeat increase, not just for the kiss - but everything.

It terrified and exhilarated her all at once, which only led to confusion.

Looking at the engagement ring on her finger, and turning it slightly in nervous consideration, Kensi realised they weren't putting on a show at all. Kensi and Deeks weren't under the operational cover of Melissa and Justin; they were themselves, completely. The ring on her finger was real – it came from Deeks' grandmother, which was meant to be passed down.

They'd kissed, so they were together – right?

Kensi shuddered, and sighed, dropping her hand as she looked at Lenore again. The older woman had a smile on her face, as she busiest herself with preparing breakfast. On her way to the stove Lenore paused, and looked over at her younger company.

'Kensi?' She gestured her over.

'Yeah?' Kensi wondered, walking to join the woman.

Kensi had paused her attention to the nearby shelves. Her brown gaze landed on the framed picture of her and Deeks in Romania, and this time a smile crossed her expression at the sight of it. One kiss had changed so much; what had been something to avoid before, was now a welcome consideration. Kensi was brought from her contemplations when a bowl was placed in her hands.

Realising the woman's intentions, Kensi began to panic.

'C'mon, Dear.' Lenore said before Kensi could object. 'I am appalled by any implications that women should be housewives, but cooking is a skill every married woman needs. What about when you and Marty bring my first grandbaby into the world?'

'I-uh-' Kensi tried to think of a plausible objection, but Lenore was far more intimidating than she'd been given credit for.

Or maybe it was just a mother thing?

While Lenore turned on the stove and prepared the frying pan, Kensi stared intently at the bowl of mixture. She readied herself for the task, knowing her attempted pancakes for her parents when she was fourteen was not the extent of her capabilities in the kitchen. She had supervision now, and understood that turning the heat up higher does not make things cook faster or better – it just turns them black.

Kensi inhaled a breath, and listened to Lenore's patient instructions, while feeling stubborn that she could make something as simple as a stack of pancakes for breakfast. Of course, there was nothing simple about Kensi Blye wielding a spatula while standing over a heated stove. She bit back any retorts when Lenore gave her tips Kensi thought could be given to a child, but only because she really wanted to not mess up one cooked meal.

In her defence, she never had any trouble making scrambled eggs or crispy bacon, but pancakes required cooking skills and patience – both which Kensi did not have.

'Do my eyes deceive me?' Deeks snorted with surprise when he came inside, with Monty at his side, and saw Kensi standing guard over the frying pan. 'Kensi Blye, cooking?'

'Hush.' Lenore scolded him.

'I should get the camera.' Deeks said, ignoring his mother, as the sight was far too amusing.

He had to admit it stirred another feeling as well, though Deeks couldn't work out what it was. The sight of Kensi standing in the kitchen to cook breakfast made him happy.

'Don't you _dare_ get the camera.' Kensi hissed angrily, though she did not move her gaze from the pancake she was waiting to flip.

'Did you mix it too?' Deeks wondered, cringing at the thought. 'You didn't use the whole egg again, did you?'

'Lenore made it.' Kensi growled, feeling defensive. 'I'm cooking it.'

'Marty, show some respect.' Lenore huffed. 'She's trying.'

'Sorry, Ma.' Deeks chuckled.

He rubbed his hand through his wet hair, then used his towel to finish drying it. Deeks had his wetsuit half-open, hanging around his hips, which exposed his bare chest. Kensi tried to will herself to ignore it, but she hastily flipped the pancake then indulged in trailing her eyes over his form. The cheeky grin on his face made her look away, grumbling at how easily he was distracting her from the important cooking task.

'You're doing just fine, Dear.' Lenore praised her, noticing the death grip Kensi had on the spatula.

'I'd do better if my _darling_ fiancé wasn't distracting me.' Kensi grumbled.

'Marty, shoo!' Lenore waved her hand at him.

'Wow, I feel loved.' Deeks snorted, placing a hand over his heart.

Still chuckling, he turned to shower and get changed. Once he was sure the girls were distracted, Deeks braved snapping a photo of Kensi with his phone. It was such a rare sight to see her cooking in a way that didn't involve a microwave or fanning black smoke out a window, that he felt it had to be preserved.

'Where's Gabe?' Lenore wondered when Deeks exited the bedroom, dressed in a pair of jeans and a plain shirt.

Monty had wandered to the veranda for a nap, when Deeks had gone for a shower, and the dog remained there since.

'Outside.' Deeks shrugged. 'Making a call.'

'To who?' Kensi asked. 'I thought we couldn't do that.'

'He can.' Deeks said. 'It's okay, Ma, I got it.' He said, taking over the role as supervisor.

'Deeks, if you make me mess this up - I will hit you.' Kensi warned.

Lenore watched her warily, and was reluctant to step aside to let Deeks take over. He gave her a reassuring nod, and she slowly moved to stand on the other side of the counter. Lenore unwrapped a chocolate bar, and sat on one of the stools, lowering her gaze to the magazine in front of her.

'Hey, I'm starving.' Deeks countered. 'There's no way I'd sabotage breakfast.'

'Deeks.' Kensi insisted when he placed a hand on her hip, leaning to kiss her shoulder. She squirmed, and tried to focus on the cooking pancake.

'Relax, Sugarbear.' Deeks encouraged. 'We're partners, right? Teamwork?'

Kensi carefully balanced the pancake on the spatula to place it on the waiting plate, then moved to pour more batter into the frying pan - like Lenore had instructed. She tried to ignore Deeks, but it was difficult with him standing so close to her. Though, he didn't move until she was finished preparing the pancake for cooking. Once she exhaled with relief, and stood back to watch it cook, Deeks kissed her again.

It was very domestic, and Kensi had to remind herself to try to push him away.

Deeks didn't go away, however. He stayed there the entire time, until the plate had a mountain of pancakes resting on it and the stove heat had been turned off. Gabe returned sometime in between, though Lenore remained nearby to observe Kensi's actions. Deeks was quite impressed; the pancakes weren't exactly round and golden, but they were edible.

As everyone sat down at the table to eat, Kensi gripped her fork tightly in anticipation. When no one gagged or appeared to be poisoned, she began to eat her own. Deeks silently laughed at the fact that no one was more reluctant to eat food Kensi had made, than Kensi herself. It made him wonder what some of her previous experiences might have been like.

'They're delicious.' Deeks complimented both ladies.

Lenore smiled with appreciation, and Kensi cast him a glare as if awaiting his mocking re-joiner. When none came, Kensi titled her head to the side with surprise, then resumed eating. It wasn't long before the comfortable silence was broken by Gabe, who passed two phones across the table – one for Kensi, and another for Deeks.

'They're not completely secure.' Gabe warned them. 'But we're going to need them.'

'Why?' Kensi asked between mouthfuls. She didn't bother touching hers yet, whereas Deeks intermediately reached for his new phone.

'Tomorrow we've got a job to do.' Gabe said. 'We'll talk about it later, but keep the phone close – and don't call anyone whose number is not already stored on the phone.'

'Okay.' Deeks accepted, whereas Kensi narrowed her eyes at Gabe.

She would rather be fully informed now, so she could properly prepare. Kensi lost interest in her meal, though she was mostly finished anyway, and rose from the table. Gabe and Lenore handled the dishes, whereas Deeks remained seated to check his new phone.

Kensi stood, and walked outside to the veranda to join Monty.

Kensi needed a moment, and didn't want to face Deeks alone just yet. Not since their kiss, which had been exhilarating at first and now terrified her. She turned the engagement ring on her finger again, while looking out towards the ocean in the distance.

Startled by the buzz of her phone, Kensi looked down and saw a _"private"_ number listed to have delivered a text.

After a quick check through the contact list, which only contained Deeks and Gabe's numbers, Kensi became wary. Unable to contain her curiosity, she opened her text messages and read the one she'd been mysteriously sent.

_Check the mailbox outside the house. Tell no one or you'll be mopping up their blood, starting with your __fiancé_

A chill spread through Kensi.

She was tough, and arrested bad guys all the time, but something about this mission made her worried about facing Ivan Antonio again. She was certain the text had come from him. She was not one to follow such demands, yet the sight of Deeks sitting in the chair with blood oozing from his mouth spurred her onwards. She never wanted him to go through something like that again, and certainly not because she was being stubborn.

Kensi stepped inside, and was acutely aware of everything. She listened to Gabe chuckling near the sink, while Lenore piled chocolate bars into her hands, and then focused on Deeks where he still sat at the table. His interest in his phone had faded, and he showed no signs of having received the same text she had.

'This house has a mailbox, right?' Kensi kept her voice calm, using all of her trained skills as an NCIS agent to prevent herself from telling Deeks. Not until she knew what she was dealing with.

'Uh, yeah.' Deeks frowned, confused, as he looked over at her. 'You expecting mail?'

'No.' Kensi rolled her eyes at him. 'I need to stretch my legs.'

'I'll come-'

'No, Deeks.' Kensi insisted. 'It's just down the driveway. I'll be fine. I chose it for a reason – if I wanted to walk to the beach, you'd follow me like a lovesick puppy.'

Deeks sank back into his chair. He looked worried, and her words seemed to have hurt him somehow.

She pretended not to notice.

'Gabe?' Deeks wondered, looking over at the dark-skinned man.

'Let her go.' Gabe advised. 'You can't keep a woman inside too long if she wants out. But, Kensi, five minutes only – no more.'

Kensi nodded, seriousness forming in her gaze, as she stared back at Gabe. Something about his look spoke volumes, but she couldn't work out what he was trying to tell her or how much he might know.

Something was amiss.

Not waiting another moment, Kensi turned to leave the beach house. Once outside, she checked her gun, and fiercely kept a close eye on everything surrounding her. She was not going to be trapped again - especially while her side still ached from its healing injury.

She spotted the simple, slightly faded, red mailbox several meters from the house. Kensi took every step with extreme caution - not knowing what to expect, until she reached it. She did not allow herself to be distracted, even for a moment, as Kensi carefully opened the metal flap of the mailbox. Her job taught her to always approach mysterious mail with deadly caution, so her five minutes were almost up by the time she finally lifted out a small box. She checked for wires, or anything equally dangerous, then gradually opened it.

Inside was an earwig, with a sticky note attached: w_ear it._

Kensi, irritated by being told what to do while feeling a loss of control, picked it up and slid it into her ear. She treated the incident like a spontaneous mission given by Ops, except she had no back-up nor any connection to Nell or Eric and their computers.

She remained focused, and prepared for anything that may follow.

_'You are not going to tell anyone about this.'_ Ivan Antonio's deeply commanding voice intruded within her ear. It was a sound that made Kensi shudder, and now she knew she would never forget how he sounded – so full of threat and promise of malice.

'I don't keep secrets from him.' Kensi growled, knowing Ivan would know she was referring to Deeks. 'It's not healthy for a relationship.'

_'If you say anything to anyone, expect more.'_ Ivan said cryptically. _'When I text you, you will put in the earpiece. You will do as I tell you.'_

'And if I don't?' Kensi challenged, furious that she couldn't just get out her gun and shoot him.

She also had no intention to do what he told her to, and suddenly felt very nervous at the idea of having to handle the situation entirely on her own. She'd become far too accustomed to the back-up of Ops, and now of her partner. Kensi couldn't even give Hetty a quick call.

_'Open the box.'_

Kensi lowered her gaze to the cardboard box still sitting in her hand. She exhaled slowly, as she doubted it was doing to be anything pleasant, then peeled back a sheet of tissue paper. Years of being an NCIS agent was all she could rely on to maintain her control, instead of jumping back and dropping the box in alarm. A gasp escaped her lips, as Kensi stared at the bloody ear inside the box.

She swallowed once, then twice, and forced herself to remain composed.

'You're sick!' Kensi said angrily, wondering whose ear it was.

_'What happens to those who don't shut up and listen.'_ Ivan threatened.

'What do you expect me to do with this?' Kensi demanded to know, wishing she could just call NCIS and find out whose ear it was and arrest Ivan. Or shoot him – she'd be happy with either option.

_'I don't care.'_ Ivan stated, his temper rising each time she spoke. _'Wait for my text, and don't be stupid. Stay on point, and no one bleeds out today.'_

There was a crackling sound, like bad phone service, then the earpiece was silent. Kensi wanted to pull it out of her ear, and stomp it to dust, but couldn't. She gulped, looking at the ear smeared with fresh blood, and shuddered again. It wasn't a small amount of blood, and she was left wondering how it hadn't soaked through the box.

Looking back to the house, Kensi felt a wave of dread.

She approached it, taking her time, and remained alert. Walking inside, Kensi counted to three before she made the announcement.

'This mean anything to you?' She asked Deeks gravely.

He and Gave rushed over when they saw she was holding some sort of box. Kensi knew her face was likely displaying her level of disgust and concern over the incident.

Handing the box over gave her a sense of relief - like she was shedding all responsibility for it. Deeks began to stress and pace, while Gabe examined the ear and informed Lenore to stay back. The older woman didn't listen, though she remained aside enough to not witness what they were all staring at.

'Was there anything else?' Gabe stared at Kensi, since she'd opened the box on her own.

'No.' Kensi fixed her gaze on his, using as much seriousness as possible in hope of portraying how stubbornly she would stand by her answer – and yet reveal her dishonesty.

'Okay.' Gabe nodded, his eyes showing his understanding. 'I will deal with this.' He walked away to make a phone call, but Kensi was too occupied with Deeks.

'Hey.' Kensi reached to lightly grab his arm, worried when he looked to be on the verge of a panic attack. 'I'm okay.'

'This is...My fault.' Deeks gasped, his gaze unfocused from hers, as he continued to fidget. 'I started...This. I-'

'No.' Kensi said firmly, tightening her grip on his arm. '_He_ did this, Deeks. He's just like every other bad guy we've taken down. We will get him, okay?'

'Yeah. Sure.' Deeks sighed, sounding doubtful.

'Chocolate?' Lenore appeared beside them, offering her son a square of chocolate.

'No thanks, Ma.' Deeks cracked a small smile, and glanced in her direction.

'Suit yourself.' Lenore shrugged, popping the piece into her mouth.

While Deeks moved to sit heavily on the nearest chair, Kensi looked over at Lenore. The two women met gazes, and Kensi learned something very important in that moment. Lenore knew so much more than she'd ever been given credit for, and briefly Kensi found it to be rather concerning. Exhaling, upon seeing the encouraging nod of the older woman, she turned back to Deeks.

Kensi sank onto the sofa beside him, shifting as close as possible, and gently wrapped her arm around his upper arm. He slowly looked at her, unsure yet intrigued, and remained quiet. He expected her to say something, but Kensi never did. She rested her chin against his shoulder and offered him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. Deeks visibly relaxed, and reached across to her knee where her hand other rested. Interlinking their fingers, Deeks nodded and forced himself to regain his composure.

Lenore smiled at the pair, then wandered to the kitchen to gaze at the picture frame resting on a shelf. She still didn't know what had been in the box that upset everyone so much, but Lenore decided she really had no desire to find out. While she mused to herself, Gabe remained out of sight to deal with the situation, and Deeks tried to remain professional while he basked in Kensi's silent affection – Kensi, however, struggled to make a decision.

It was a choice she hated, yet was unable to simply pick.

Deeks was her partner, and now something more, but the bloody ear was very real. She was torn between loyalty and fear. Ivan Antonio was a very real threat, and Kensi was learning just how dangerous he could be. Her injured side tingled with the reminder. She hated how the psycho made her feel; how useless and out of control she truly was against him. Kensi despised the entire situation regarding the vile man, though she was not so foolish as to think she could easily get away with revealing to the others what she knew. The thought of Deeks losing an ear made her shudder.

_Expect more,_ he'd said.

Kensi abruptly felt responsible for her partner, and for his mother - who Deeks clearly cared a lot about. Even for Monty, who lay leisurely nearby without a care in the world. To an extent, perhaps even Gabe as well. Her silence was keeping them safe, relatively, even while it begun to eat away at her.

Kensi would make that sacrifice, though.

'You okay, Fern?' Deeks checked, glancing at her oddly controlled gaze.

Kensi, not trusting herself to speak until she'd made a solid decision, merely nodded. She pressed her lips together nervously, then leaned forward to peck a gentle and lingering kiss to the side of his jaw. Deeks grinned, while she blushed, and the moment remained quiet.

When Kensi made a decision, it wasn't about what she was going to tell Deeks and how much she would keep to herself. It didn't relate to how far she'd go to do as Ivan Antonio said in order to protect everyone else at the beach house. No, the choice Kensi made was much bigger than all of it combined – she decided to take it that much further. The best way to keep Deeks and the others safe, Kensi reasoned, was to go after the threat itself – and eliminate it. She didn't know how, or when, but that was her decision.

Kensi was going to take down Ivan Antonio.

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**Author's Notes:** Not my most favourite chapter, but I'd be very grateful to hear any feedback offered. My updating schedule will be back on track soon, so hopefully the wait won't be as long as it has been during Christmas + New Year. Thank you for reading!


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